follow-through. Every client had been satisfied so far.
Two weeks after he moved back in, Nigel begged her to give a Christmas party, to christen their new home. She still felt tentative with him, and she wasn’t feeling festive, but she finally let him talk her into it, as long as they kept it down to fifty or sixty good friends. She didn’t want to give a big showy bash. He was disappointed, but he agreed. They chose the guest list carefully. It was made up of the people they were closest to. It grew to seventy-five easily, but Nigel said that some of them wouldn’t show up.
She turned twenty-four a few days before the Christmas party, and she didn’t want to celebrate her birthday this year either. It was taking her time to feel close to him again, but she was getting there, and was slowly starting to trust him again.
Sam had been worried about her ever since she’d told him that Nigel was back. He thought it was a terrible mistake. In his opinion, Nigel was not going to change.
She called to wish him a happy Chanukah, and he asked her how things were going.
“A little wobbly, but basically okay. I feel like the KGB watching him. I don’t know if it will ever be the same again. I guess people go through worse. What about you? Will everyone come home for Chanukah?” They usually did, but she could hear that he was down.
“My mother won’t let either of my sisters come, she’s so mad at them. Rebecca converted, and Sabra and Liam will be married in April in a Catholic church. So it’s just me and Jacob this year, and my parents. They’re putting the heat on me pretty heavily about Tamar. We’ve been dating for a year and a half and they say I’m disrespecting her. They think that I owe it to her to marry her after this long, and I’ll humiliate her in the community if I don’t. I’m not even sure why I go out with her, except she’s a nice girl and a good person. She helps my father with our books. My mother loves her. Tamar wants to have a million babies, and will keep a kosher home. I feel like I’ll turn into my parents if I marry her, and she’ll become my mother. It’s everything I said I didn’t want.” He sounded tortured over it. “But I keep seeing her because it’s easy and she’s always there.”
“So?” The answer seemed obvious to Coco. He didn’t want to marry her and he wasn’t in love with her.
“I feel so damn guilty if I don’t marry her. She’s so willing and accommodating and I’ve been lazy. I should have stopped dating her a year ago, but I didn’t. My mother says they’ll be disappointed in me if I don’t marry her. Classic Jewish guilt.”
“Don’t disappoint yourself,” Coco said firmly. “That’s more important. You have a right to marry who you want.”
“I don’t want to marry anyone right now. I’m not even sure I’ve ever been in love.”
“Lucky for you,” she said, and he laughed. She always made him feel better, even from three thousand miles away.
“My father says that marrying her is the honorable thing to do, after dating her for all this time. They’ve probably guessed I’m sleeping with her, so I’ve defiled her.”
“It’s only a year and a half, not ten for chrissake, and she could have stopped seeing you.”
“She’s in love with me. And I’m comfortable with her. But is that enough?”
“No, it’s not. If you want comfortable, get a dog, or have lunch with your grandmother. Don’t you want someone more exciting?”
“Exciting doesn’t last. It’s not real. You’ve proven that twice now. And even if Nigel is back, how long do you think it’s going to last? Not forever, that’s for sure.”
“I don’t think forever lasts either. It’s just a word. But you need to feel a thrill when she walks across the room, you need to feel it in your gut, your heart should melt when you see her.”
“Maybe only girls feel those things.” He laughed.
“That’s bullshit. So do guys.”
“I don’t know. She’s a good person, she’d be a good wife and mother. She’ll keep a kosher home, which will make my parents happy.”
“And you miserable,” she reminded him. “Think of it. You’ll never eat bacon and shrimp again.” He laughed. “You’re too young to settle, and do what your parents want. Sam, think