you for putting the Phantom before me, but my forgiveness isn’t the most important to earn. It’s your own.”
“What forgiveness can I give myself? My father is dead because of me, and I allowed the creature who killed him to take residence inside my own body. It’s my greatest failure.”
“Your father’s death would’ve come regardless of whether you were there or not,” Emma said. “The gods were going to take him at his time, and his time came.”
“It’s done more than cause me grief. My father’s death brought about a change in Malovia. I’ve condemned my country because Gabby and Elijah took my father’s place. People have died and suffered because of it,” I said, hollowness aching in my spirit.
“You’ve got to stop blaming yourself. Not everything is your fault!” Emma said. “There were other contestants in the King’s Contest, and all of them failed to stop Gabby and Eli. We beat them, and the gods still willed that they be crowned king and queen! You can’t fight the will of the gods!”
I gave a cruel laugh. “How could the gods possibly will such suffering upon us?”
“Because the only way to bring about change is through pain. And you can’t avoid pain— you must walk through it,” Emma said. “Changing Malovia isn’t going to be easy. No matter who’s on that throne, there’s always going to be someone or something to fight against. The Black Claw wouldn’t have vanished if you had been king. They’d still be out there killing people, and even as a monarch, your power would be limited to stop them. You’re just a shifter. You’re not a god. And not even the gods can violate our free will by changing our choices.”
“I want you to understand. Being king— it was my dream, everything I’d ever known. Without that dream, I don’t know who I am anymore.” My voice was so full of agony it nearly made me want to sob. “I look in the mirror now and don’t know who’s looking back.”
“Just because a dream dies doesn’t mean you have to die with it. You can make a new one,” Emma said.
“But who am I without the crown? Since I was born, things have been expected of me— I’ve had dreams planted into my head that I’m not even sure are mine.”
“Fuck their expectations! What do you want?” Emma’s expression was burning. “You think that since you lost your chance at being king, you can’t help the people of Malovia, but that’s not true. Change happens when a lot of people do a lot of little things to create an impact. You aren’t responsible for the world!”
My throat burned. “It feels like I am.”
“You don’t have to make a major impact to change someone’s life. You can make a change by starting small and working your way up,” Emma insisted. “You believe power only lies with one man, but even if you were king, you can’t force anyone to live by your laws. The only person you ever truly reign over is yourself. So what kind of man are you going to be?”
Her question gave me more curiosities than answers. If I stripped away all the expectations that made me who I was, what would be left?
“You’re not the prince, and you’re not the Phantom. You’re just Ethan,” Emma insisted. “What happened yesterday doesn’t matter. All that matters is what you do today, and you have to go forward one step at a time.”
I’d mused on something similar months ago. If I was to survive, I had to be born again, and become a different man. Not a monarch or a monster, but merely myself.
Who was I, and what did I want? It was a tough question to answer.
I couldn’t come up with any solution, except I knew I wanted Emma. I wasn’t sure if that was enough.
“Most of my life, I’ve walked alone. It’s what made being the Phantom so comfortable,” I told her. “I had friends and family, but I kept them all at a distance. I never opened up to anyone. That notion was challenged when you came into my life. Hiding things was unbearable. I couldn’t keep secrets from you, though I tried. And my biggest secret blew up in my face.”
“You have to learn to let people help you,” Emma said. “All of us have said it, but I’m done begging, Ethan. Do you want me, or not?”
“Of course I do.”
“Then make a decision to let people in!” Her voice grew