The Alchemaster's Apprentice - By Walter Moers Page 0,39

have been relaxed a bit in the last two hundred and fifty years. I don’t even know if what Ghoolion expects of you is legal these days.’

‘How did that old case turn out?’

‘The Crat lost.’

‘I guessed as much! What was he sentenced to?’

‘A week in a cage in a home for strays. On bread and water.’

‘Is that all? Only a week?’

‘He had to share the cage with a mastiff.’

‘Oh …’ said Echo.

‘But the good news is: the Crat survived. He lost an ear, one leg and his tail, but he lived to a ripe old age. And as I said, it was a long time ago. Barbaric customs veprailed in those days - they were largely resbonsiple for mecidating your breed. And in your case timigating factors would come into play - for instance, the weakened condition in which you signed the cantroct, possibly even mental disequibilrium. I reckon you could well be acquitted - in fact, I strongly doubt if there’s a judge today who wouldn’t misdiss the case out of hand.’

‘Now you tell me?!’ Echo exclaimed. ‘So what am I doing here? Why don’t I simply make a run for it?’

Theodore spread his wings. ‘You’re here to fill your belly, I assume. You’re boviously enjoying your food.’

Echo made a sheepish gesture. ‘Yes, yes, I know. I’ve put on a bit of weight - no need to keep harping on it.’

‘If you want to get out of here somehow, you’d better remain in shape. There may come a time when you need to be feet on your fast and in good condition. The cantroct doesn’t say you have to eat everything Ghoolion puts in front of you, does it?’

‘No,’ Echo conceded more sheepishly still.

‘Well, then. Chew a few herbs. Avoid greasy foods, eat wholesome salads. I myself am not the slimmest of birds, but at least I stick to a labanced diet. For instance, I always have a getevarian breakfast: a juniper berry, a few blades of grass, a hazelnut and three wild strawberries. A healthy start to the day does my gidestive sestym good.’

‘I’ll make a note of that,’ Echo promised.

‘But where were we?’ said Theodore. ‘You asked me why you don’t simply make a run for it - why you don’t let the cantroct go hang and disappear into the blue?’

‘Exactly. What’s to stop me?’

‘You could always try,’ the Tuwituwu said in a low voice.

‘What do you mean, try? What would be so difficult about it? Ghoolion doesn’t keep me under lock and key. I could run off any time he’s otherwise engaged.’

‘So try it.’

‘Why say that in such a funny tone of voice?’

‘Try it and the best of luck to you.’

‘I mean, what could he do?’ Echo demanded. ‘He couldn’t put a spell on me or anything, he’s just an alchemist. I don’t know why everyone’s so dead scared of him. I may have gained a pound or two, but I’m still faster on my feet than him - faster than anyone else in Malaisea.’

‘Then you definitely ought to try it. You have my blessing.’

‘I’ll sneak off under cover of darkness, then head across the mountains.’

‘So give the mountains my regards.’

Echo stared at Theodore suspiciously. ‘There’s that funny tone of voice again,’ he said.

‘All I’m saying is’, Theodore replied, ‘Ghoolion has ways and means of trusfrating other people’s plans. Of course, that doesn’t mean you should leave any turn unstoned.’

‘I’m going to run away,’ Echo said defiantly. ‘Let’s see what happens then.’

‘You must do what you can’t avoid doing,’ said Theodore and heaved a big sigh. His watery gaze lingered on Echo until the little Crat grew uncomfortable. ‘But you must sometimes avoid doing what you can’t do,’ he added enigmatically.

The Wine Tasting

The first thing Echo noticed when he entered the kitchen that evening was an array of bottles, glasses and bowls on the table. Equally unusual was the fact that the stove wasn’t in use and no steaming dishes were in evidence, just some bread and a wooden board bearing an assortment of cheeses. He also registered the fact that Ghoolion’s high cheekbones were faintly flushed in a way that made him look a trifle less ghostly.

‘I’m now going to improve your education,’ said Ghoolion. He spoke somewhat more loudly than usual - more slowly, too, as if he found talking more of an effort today. ‘If we’re to make a gourmet of you, you must also learn something about the noblest of all beverages.’ He picked up an open bottle and poured some red