The Alchemaster's Apprentice - By Walter Moers Page 0,131
…’ Izanuela stammered. ‘One, er, can only describe the view from up here as unique - genuinely uplifting. It’s as if all one’s cares had been blown away by the wind.’
Ghoolion was standing directly in the current of air that was transmitting Izanuela’s perfume from her to him. He looked mesmerised. His eyes were glazed and he was swaying slightly. His face wore a blissful smile.
‘Now it’s my turn,’ Echo told himself. ‘I must appeal to his emotions and arouse his sympathy.’
‘It must be a glorious feeling,’ he said shyly, ‘to stand up here in the throes of a new-found passion. I wish I knew what it was like. I’ve never been in love myself.’
‘What, never?’ said Izanuela. ‘How sad.’
Echo gazed into the distance and sighed.
‘I’ve heard it said that, over there beyond the Blue Mountains, there’s a kind of Crat that could teach me the meaning of love. But I suppose it’s too late for that now.’
He cast a surreptitious glance at the Alchemaster. Ghoolion was standing motionless. Was he really unmoved or in an emotional turmoil? Were insanity and compassion, love and malevolence fighting for the upper hand within him? Or had he seen through their amateur dramatics long ago, and was he merely thinking of some alchemical formula to do with the extraction of his, Echo’s, fat? It was impossible to tell, but that didn’t matter, Echo decided. The moment had come. The perfume must now have taken full effect. It was now or never! He gave Izanuela a meaningful nod.
‘I’d like to ask a favour of you,’ she said, turning to Ghoolion.
He pricked up his ears. ‘Ask away, my blossom. Your wish is my command.’
‘I’d like you to let the Crat go. I couldn’t bear anyone to die on such a happy day.’
‘Perfectly put,’ thought Echo. ‘Boldly and self-confidently phrased in full reliance on the potent effect of the Cratmint.’
The Alchemaster gave Izanuela a lingering look.
Echo’s heart was in his mouth. What would Ghoolion do next? Laugh hysterically? Fall on his knees? Turn into a raven? In his case one had to be ready for anything.
‘So that’s what you want?’ he said. ‘That I let Echo go?’
Izanuela nodded, looking him steadfastly in the eye.
‘Yes,’ she said.
‘No,’ Ghoolion cried, drawing himself erect. ‘With respect, my blossom, you cannot gauge what that would mean - no one could. You might as well ask the sun to stop shining or forbid a storm to break. My whole life, my whole life’s work would forfeit its meaning just like that!’ He clicked his fingers. Izanuela gave a start.
‘It would be like ripping the heart from my body and devouring it before my eyes. Would you really do that to me? Is that really what you want?’
The Uggly, who hadn’t been expecting such a reaction, was utterly at a loss. She didn’t even dare glance at Echo in search of support, she merely continued to stare at Ghoolion, doing her best not to faint.
A long, awkward silence fell. Echo didn’t dare breathe.
‘However,’ Ghoolion said gravely, ‘that’s precisely why I shall do as you ask. I’ll show you what true love means. I already lost my true love once in my life and nearly went mad as a result. This time I shall hold on to her at the expense of my life’s work. So be it.’
He took the little padlock key from his cloak and bent down. ‘Well,’ he whispered to Echo, ‘how was it?’
Echo was bewildered. ‘How was what?’ he asked.
‘My monologue, of course!’ Ghoolion said in a low voice. ‘I’m not a trained actor, after all.’ Straightening up again, he said loudly, ‘Did I sound relatively convincing? What do you think, Izanuela?’
The name jolted Echo like an electric shock. He had addressed the Uggly by her real name! No more ‘blossoms’. No more ‘Florias’.
Ghoolion suddenly underwent a remarkable transformation. All the loving kindness and compassion left his voice and demeanour. He reassumed the callous, tyrannical expression he wore in his darkest moments. This was the Alchemaster in his true persona.
‘Do the pair of you know how people of the Middle Ages discovered whether an Uggly was innocent or guilty?’ he asked. ‘They hurled her off a roof. If she survived by flying through the air, she was guilty. If she fell to her death, she was innocent. Simple but just.’
He went right up to Izanuela and gave her a push. Only a gentle one, but enough to throw her off-balance.