The Alchemaster's Apprentice - By Walter Moers Page 0,129

in Zamonia would be at the gates. Every criminal would be after me, hoping to torture me into revealing the secret. Every royal megalomaniac would send his myrmidons to get me.’

Ghoolion gave a mirthless laugh.

‘That’s why I confined my gold-making activities to this secret chamber. At first I transmuted small objects into gold: a book, a plate, a stone in the wall. Then bigger and bigger articles - chairs, benches, tables - until everything in here was solid gold. I still bring things here and transmute them from time to time, but it became boring in the long run.’ ‘Why are you telling us all this now?’ Echo asked.

Ghoolion smiled. ‘Where my future wife is concerned, I consider it my duty.’ He gave the chain a gentle tug. ‘As for you, my dearest Echo, you’re past being able to betray my secret. You’ll soon be taking it to the grave with you.’

‘Many thanks for reminding me,’ thought Echo. The sight of all this splendour had almost made him forget how quickly time was speeding by.

‘I only came upon the formula by chance,’ Ghoolion went on. ‘It probably won’t surprise you, Echo, to learn that I discovered the solution to one of alchemy’s greatest secrets in the smallest of objects: a dried leaf from the Miniforest, it was the size of a grain of dust. I had only to interchange a few molecules, but one has to know which ones. Moreover, interchanging molecules is an art in itself.’

‘So you’re a very wealthy man, Master,’ said Echo. ‘You never cease to surprise me.’

‘I have acquired a certain degree of financial independence, it’s true.’ Ghoolion smirked. ‘But take it from me, the two of you: all this gold means nothing to me in comparison with what I hope to achieve tonight. If I could exchange it all, together with my gold-making formula, for the certainty that I shall be successful, I would do so on the spot. For what is wealth compared to immortality? What good is all this loot if I’m doomed to die? And that brings me to the reason for your presence here, Echo.’

‘What do you mean?’ asked Echo.

‘I’ve filled your little head with all my alchemistic knowledge, but I’ve left this last piece of information, the formula for making gold, until last. Your brain must, of course, have absorbed it by the time I render you down.’

Ghoolion produced a sheet of parchment from his cloak and held it under Echo’s nose. It was covered with alchemistic symbols.

‘Would you be kind enough to memorise this?’ he asked.

‘Hm …’ said Echo, scanning the document. It dealt with cohesive and adhesive forces, chlorophyll atoms, graveyard gas, lime, Leathermouse blood, fivefold distillation processes.

He didn’t understand the first thing about the formula he was memorising, but by the time he’d finished he knew how to make gold.

‘All done,’ he said. His head was buzzing.

Ghoolion took the parchment and tore it into tiny little pieces.

‘He must feel pretty sure I’m going to die if he entrusts me with such a secret and then destroys the formula,’ Echo reflected.

The moment had come at last.

Echo cleared his throat. ‘But now, Master, I’ve got a request for you.’

Ghoolion stiffened. ‘What is it?’ he demanded sternly.

‘I’d like to visit the mother of all roofs again. For the very last time.’

‘Oh,’ said Ghoolion, relaxing, ‘if that’s all it is, of course you may.’ He turned to Izanuela. ‘I meant to show you the view from up there in any case, my blossom. It’s absolutely breathtaking.’

True Love

The three of them climbed the stairs to the Leathermousoleum. The vampires were fast asleep at this time of day, so they were accompanied on their way by the sound of a thousand snores. The stench was so appalling they couldn’t get out on to the roof fast enough.

Once outside, Izanuela froze just as she had the first time. She clutched her bosom.

‘Isn’t this wonderful?’ said Ghoolion. ‘You can see all the way to the Blue Mountains. You’d think they were close enough to touch.’

‘Yes, it’s wonderful,’ Izanuela gasped. She swayed, her false eyelashes quivering.

The view was as impressive as ever, but this time it left Echo cold. With so much at stake, how could he be expected to enjoy it?

‘It isn’t until one has climbed through that stuffy Leathermousoleum that the view exerts its full effect,’ said Ghoolion. ‘The best things in life are free. I feel a different person every time I come up here. Lately, alas, I’ve scarcely had time to do