The Alchemaster's Apprentice - By Walter Moers Page 0,127

…’

‘Really?’

‘Yes. I think we should lure him out on to the roof.’

‘The roof? Must we?’ Izanuela shuddered.

‘I’m sure it would have a beneficial effect on him. Ghoolion is completely off his…I mean, he’s under considerable pressure at the moment. We must get him away from this unhealthy environment. All those acrid fumes and intoxicating gases. All that hard work and stress he subjects himself to.’

‘Good idea. He is looking rather pale.’

‘The roof has always had a liberating, soothing effect on me. The fresh air. The light. The view. It’s another world up there. You develop a new outlook on things. It helps you to see what really matters. In short, it’s therapeutic. That’s where we should present him with your request.’

‘You think I should ask him to show me the roof?’ asked Izanuela.

‘Better not. It might sound odd - he’d smell a rat. No, I’ll do it. I’ll ask him to take me up to the mother of all roofs one last time. Before he … well, you know what I mean. He’s already gathered how much I like it up there. It’ll sound more convincing, coming from me.’

‘All right. What then?’

‘You must come too, that’s all. Once we’re up there, you douse yourself in some more of that perfume.’

‘What, more? I must be economical with the precious stuff if I want a long-term relationship with -’

‘Izanuela!’ Echo hissed the name so loudly that she flinched. ‘My life is at stake! Kindly spare a thought for something apart from your flirtation with the Alchemaster!’

‘I’m sorry.’ She blushed. ‘So I put on the perfume -’

‘- and then you ask him. As casually as you can. You don’t beg or implore, you simply ask him the way you’d ask for a kiss.’

The Uggly giggled like a teenager, then froze. Ghoolion’s metallic footsteps were approaching: he was hurrying back with her coffee. He appeared in the doorway a moment later.

‘What a glorious day!’ he exclaimed. ‘The wind is getting up and it’s growing steadily warmer. There could well be a thunderstorm tonight.’

‘How nice,’ said Echo.

‘Breakfast with the two individuals I care about most,’ Ghoolion purred as he refilled the Uggly’s cup. ‘You wouldn’t believe how much this means to me.’

‘Too true,’ thought Echo. ‘I wouldn’t.’

Ghoolion laid the coffee pot aside and drew himself up to his full height.

‘This is a special day from many points of view,’ he said. ‘Let’s start it off in a worthy manner. How would you like me to show you both the best-kept secret in this ancient building?’

The Treasure Chamber

Echo kept wondering what secret he could mean. The Snow-White Widow? The fat cellar? But they didn’t go down to the cellar, they climbed the stairs to an upper floor.

‘Before a man of honour marries his beloved,’ said Ghoolion, ‘he discloses his financial circumstances.’ He was going on ahead as usual, leading Echo by his chain with Izanuela following obediently behind. ‘Well, in my case that’s quickly done. I’m merely the municipal Alchemaster of a small and impoverished town. I don’t even receive a salary and my meagre inheritance was soon used up. True, I own the biggest property in Malaisea, but who would care to live here apart from me and the Leathermice?’

‘I would!’ Izanuela said softly.

Echo suppressed a sigh.

Ghoolion smiled. ‘Yes,’ he said, ‘you would, and for that I’ll be eternally grateful to you. But who else? The castle may look impressive from a distance, but any potential purchaser who inspected it more closely would run off screaming, especially if he learned of the building’s gruesome history. Fundamentally, therefore, I’m just a poor devil living in a dilapidated ruin. Right?’

‘What if you are?’ said Izanuela. ‘Money isn’t everything.’

They came to a halt in a room Echo had already visited dozens of times before. It contained nothing special, just some dusty pieces of furniture.

Ghoolion went over to a bare wall of blackened brick and paused in front of it. For a few moments he seemed to be collecting his thoughts or trying to remember something. Then he proceeded to press various bricks like an organist manipulating the stops of his instrument.

‘He’s crazy,’ thought Echo. ‘Even Izanuela should be starting to realise that by now.’

Ghoolion stepped back. There was a sound like an enormous clock beginning to tick. Clickety-clack it went. Metal springs contracted and expanded with a whirring noise. The bricks in the wall started to move in and out and behind one another, grating together as they rearranged themselves to form a steadily widening aperture of triangular