Aggro - CoraLee June Page 0,69
can’t be responsible for the world. Do you want to tell me about what you’re feeling?”
I had been holding everything in for so long that the words just spilled out in an effort to unburden my soul. “Chase is completely out of control. He’s not going to school, he’s throwing parties, and he’s getting really, um, angry,” I said, not really wanting to go into too much detail about his violent outbursts. “I don’t know how to help him. He won’t talk to me. I thought there was something between us.”
“Chase is not your responsibility. You don’t have to try to help him, you just need to be there for him when he’s ready. I can only imagine what he’s feeling right now, that poor boy. Violet has always been like an anchor for Chase. She gave him purpose and kept him tethered. Without her and without his parents to lean on, I’m sure he’s feeling like he’s lost at sea, fighting to get back. Right now, Chase can’t see the light from the lighthouse. I know it hurts, but he’s not capable of loving right now, not even himself.”
“But that’s the thing. I’m not hurt that he doesn’t love me…” I trailed off.
“Kai,” she said with a knowing smile.
“He admitted to liking me...since before Violet’s death. I’m not even sure how to process that.”
“I suspected as much,” Mom replied with a small smile before patting her lips with a napkin. “I haven’t been around much, but that boy has always had his eyes on you.”
“Then why did he date Violet?” I snapped, my own anger surprising me. “Why confuse me like this? He claimed to like me back at the Charging into Christmas competition. Maybe if he acted on it then, we could have…”
“You wouldn’t have dated your best friend’s ex,” Mom ended for me. “And cut him some slack. Love doesn’t happen overnight. It’s like a cliff overlooking the ocean. The ocean has to cut and work at the rock. The earth has to push and break and build to form it. Thousands of years pass in a blink, and then you have this beautiful testament to time and perseverance.”
“That’s beautiful, Mom. Do you feel that way about Dad?”
Mom smiled. “We’ve been married a long time.” She got a faraway look in her eye, then shook her head. “Tell me why you sound angry about Violet. You’re allowed to be, by the way, I just want to understand why.”
I swallowed. “Do you think Violet was a good friend?” I asked.
“I think Violet loved you the best she could. Fiercely. But I don’t think she was taught how to love. You have such a selfless soul, baby. You give and give and give. Violet was taught to take. And she was taught that love was transactional. She was afraid to be real and risk losing you.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, emotion clogging my throat. I had to take a bite of food to stop myself from crying at the diner.
“Her parents were always gone, only showing up when she was in trouble. Think about it. If you grew up believing that everyone leaves, how can you believe that anyone stays?”
“I feel guilty for doubting her.”
“You’re allowed to doubt her. There is still a lot of mystery surrounding her death. I don’t like it,” Mom said while clutching her drink. “But I do know this: Violet was always encouraging you to live your life and get out there. She made you braver. She defended you. She loved you. And I think she’d want you to live fiercely, baby. I think she’d want you to enjoy life. And maybe that doesn’t mean right now. Grief is a process. A slow process that comes in waves. But one day, when you’re ready to be happy, I know Violet would support you. No matter what. You were probably the only constant in her life aside from Chase, and she’d want the best for you.”
I knew that. I knew it. Violet might have had her issues, but she did love me. The kind of friendship we had couldn’t be faked.
“It just feels like I’m learning a lot about Violet now that she’s gone, and it’s hard because I can’t talk to her about any of it. She can’t tell me what she was thinking or why she hid things from me,” I said.
“You have to make a choice, baby. You can let these new things that you are learning eat away at you.