After the Climb (River Rain #1) - Kristen Ashley Page 0,42
because I flat refused to do it.”
“I’m glad,” she whispered.
He nodded shortly to acknowledge her comment and kept going.
“It was about control. It took me a long time to realize it, well past losing Genny. Men like him don’t make men. They make ignorant, mindless automatons who go on to create more of the same if the cycle isn’t broken. I’m not saying at twelve years old I should have manned up and told my father to go fuck himself. I’m saying he was proud of me because he thought making me kill that deer, he was going to mold me in his image. And that was the meaning of his life. He did not create a child to nurture him and set him free on this world to find happiness and do good. He created a child in order to live longer, because it was all about him, not one thing to do with me.”
“You’re so right,” she agreed.
“But that’s beside the point.”
“Okay.”
“The point I need to make is, I did what I did to your mother, and the regret I feel for that is fierce. But you need to know, the thing I regret most in my life is that I had a choice that day. A possible beating for me, or the life of that deer. And I picked killing that deer. He’d never laid a hand on me, Chloe, and I still picked that deer. And every time he’d lose it and I’d think, ‘now’s the time, he’s gonna whale on me,’ and he didn’t, I remembered that deer. I remembered I took her vitality to save my own ass. And to this day, I prefer to be called Bowie to remind me never to be that person again.”
“I understand that,” she said.
“Make no mistake, I wish like hell I’d done things differently with your mom.”
“I understand that too.”
“But if I had one thing in my life I was allowed to go back and change, I would not have killed that deer. It says nothing about how I feel about your mom or the pain I caused her. It says something about the man my father was trying to force me to be that I had to overcome before I could really be with her. But the truth of it is, mostly, it’s about that deer.”
She nodded. “And that’s understood too. And it doesn’t make me feel badly toward you. In fact, I get it. I’ve never killed anything. But if I did, I probably would wish that too.”
“Okay, honey,” he said in his lovely gentle tone. “Now I need to understand why it means so much to you, me being with your mom.”
Sneak attack.
Yes.
She was pulling nothing over on Bowie Holloway.
“I want her happy.”
“It’s more than that. You’re sharp as a knife, and you’re lethally loving. But you do not strike me as a woman who focuses her formidable energy on a whim.”
“Dad and her are never going to get back together,” she blurted.
“Okay,” he said.
He was going to say more, but she spoke fast.
“I’ll let her explain why.”
“I’d appreciate that.”
“She needs someone strong to protect her.”
He shot straight on his stool and practically barked, “Why?”
Yes.
She was right.
Oh, hell yes, she was.
Shewasrightrightright.
It was him.
“She doesn’t have a stalker or anything,” she assured quickly. “She’s just…” she shook her head in short shakes, “She’s just Imogen Swan.”
“Your mom is strong and capable.”
“It isn’t about her.”
“What’s it about?”
She rolled her shoulders. “It’s about me.”
“What about you?”
“I just need to know she’s looked after.”
It dawned on him, what she wasn’t saying, and the man she was coming to know, she should have known it would.
“Divorce sucks,” he murmured.
“Yes, it does,” she said bitterly.
“She’s going to be okay, with or without me.”
“I’d rather her be okay with you.”
It took him a second, his hazel eyes concerned and warm on her.
And then he said, “Me too.”
Chloe relaxed.
Then she declared, “No offense, Bowie, but your dad’s a dick.”
“He’s dead.”
“No offense, Bowie, but I’m kinda glad.”
He grinned at her, shaking his head, and replied, “None taken, Coco.”
“Though, well done you for breaking the cycle.”
He kept grinning and shaking his head, but he said nothing.
“I’ll vamoose after Mom shows so you two can have some privacy.”
“That’d be appreciated.”
“But be forewarned, I’m not leaving because this is the best vacation I’ve ever had.”
He burst out laughing.
She watched.
Then she reached out and forced Tuck to endure the indignity of enjoying some chin scratches.
After that, she climbed off her stool to do some tidying.