“Thought you had to leave early this morning,” I said in greeting.
Jeremy stopped pacing and closed the distance between us. He almost looked brave enough to take me on. “Dude, please tell me you didn’t—“
“I just gave her aspirin, some water and slept beside her.”
“She okay? Did you do anything to her? Is she sick? DAMMIT, I shouldn’t have left her. Josh would be furious with me. She was vulnerable and I just left. I can’t just leave.” He stopped his tirade and starting pacing again.
“She’s fine. I took care of her. She’s nice and safe. No harm done.”
Jeremy shook his head and kept pacing. “No. No, she isn’t okay. She ain’t ever gonna be okay. I’ve been waiting for her to be okay for eighteen months. I know Josh would want me to stay and look out after her. I’ve been doing what I know he’d have wanted for a year and a half. I gave up my scholarship to Vandy. I lost a semester of school. I went to this dumbass cowpoke community college just so I could stay near her. But I can’t keep doing this. I want to live again. I will miss Josh for the rest of my life but I don’t want to keep mourning him.” He stopped and put his hands on his hips. His eyes looked glassy like he was trying to hold back tears. “I can’t stop my life for her anymore. But I’m afraid that if no one is here to catch her when she falls, like last night at that damn bar, then she will crash and burn. I’d never be able to forgive myself if something happened to her. She always had Josh. He was her best friend, her protector and he made her feel complete. But I’m not Josh.”
I closed the barn door firmly behind me after checking to see if the bedroom door was still closed. I didn’t want Eva hearing this. I understood that Jeremy needed to let this out but Eva didn’t need to be so f**king close when he did.
“Why don’t we go somewhere else and talk about this,” I suggested walking away from the barn and closer to the house.
“You’re right. Sorry. Damn, she’s still asleep, isn’t she?”
I nodded and led him to the front porch where I had a view of the barn door but we were far enough away that I knew she wouldn’t be able to hear us.
Jeremy walked up the steps and ran his hands through his hair again. He even pulled the ends a little as if he were trying to inflict pain on himself.
“I just need to do this. I need to go to Louisiana and get everything set up for the fall. But every time I think about coming home and telling Eva that I’m leaving in August to go away to school I feel like I’m gonna vomit.”
Poor guy was beating himself up. He was right, though, he couldn’t keep putting his life on hold for Eva. She wasn’t his responsibility. Just because she’d been his brother’s didn’t make her his now his brother was gone. Why hadn’t someone told him this before now?
“I’ve got a best friend who also happens to be a female. I understand what you’re feeling. I know that if Low needed me, I’d be there. I’d drop the world for her but there were times in our life that I wished I didn’t have that responsibility. Difference is that Eva wasn’t your best friend. She was your brother’s. This isn’t about Eva. This is about you wanting to fulfill what you believe your brother’s last wishes would have been. In my opinion, you have. I didn’t know the dude but I think you’ve done your job. I don’t think he ever wanted you to give up your life for Eva.”
Jeremy sank down onto the old wooden rocker that I’d often seen Eva sitting in while drinking a glass of tea and staring off into space. “You saw her last night. What if that happens when I’m gone?”
Hell, I wasn’t a damn psychiatrist. What did he expect from me? He was asking for wisdom from the guy who was working at a farm all summer because of a DUI.
“She’s a big girl. She’ll be okay. She has her daddy here watching over her and she has other friends.”
Jeremy rubbed the back of his neck nervously, “What about you? While you’re here, does she have you?”
Me? What the f**k kind of question was that? She didn’t want me. At times I was pretty damn sure she hated me. But, yeah, if she needed me I knew without question I’d be there. She’d gotten under my skin.
“Yeah, she has me. As long as I’m here, I’ll be available if she needs me. Even when she doesn’t want me.”
Jeremy chuckled and stood up. “She wants you. She just doesn’t want to want you. Or at least that is what she said in my truck last night.”
She told Jeremy she didn’t want to want me. I liked that. I could work with that. “Drunk Eva was something else,” I replied.
Jeremy walked over to the steps and held out his hand. I stared down at it and realized he wanted to shake my hand. I clasped it and he shook it one good time before letting go. “Take care of her for me.”
I nodded, “Will do.”
Eva
I couldn’t remember what all I’d said to Cage while I was drunk. All I knew was he’d been sweet and I’d slept in his bed smelling like tequila and an ashtray. While he’d been out working this morning, I’d changed his sheets and made up his bed. I hated for him to sleep on sheets that smelled like the inside of a bar all week.
That was the only contact I’d had with him. I was avoiding him. I was sure he knew that too. I couldn’t help but feel guilty about not taking him water and ice towels but I couldn’t bring myself to face him just yet. Had I snored? God, I had probably snored. I didn’t even know if I snored. Plus, my breath had to have been atrocious. He’d still let me sleep in his bed with him. How could one girl manage to make such a fool of herself so easily? I really should write a book on how to make an ass of yourself.
Cage hadn’t come looking for me today either. He was probably worried I’d think more of what happened than he did. I bet that stupid gorgeous redhead never came to his bed a blubbering idiot and stinking like cigarettes. She just didn’t look the type.
I ran out of things to do in town and none of the movies playing at the theater looked appealing. All that was left to do was hideout in the house. Several vehicles pulled into the driveway from the sound of all the gravel. I went over to peek outside and see what was going on. It was truckloads of guys. Lots of guys. What in the world? I hurried down the steps and to the front porch.
Loud insults were thrown around along with a whole lot of male laughter and lewd comments. Cage jumped over the fence and a huge grin broke out on his face as the herd of guys made their way down to the barn.