This wasn’t me. I didn’t lose my mind over every little thing. I was careful, and I thought things through. I made calculated decisions. I wasn’t this off-the-handle insane man who had taken over.
“Stop yelling, and listen to yourself. You’re acting like a nutcase over something that isn’t that big of a deal. So he brought her food. Did she fuck him for it? No. I can answer that. She loves you. You . Snap out of this.”
Snap out of this. Those words replayed in my head. Words I had just said to Kiro. When he was losing his mind over a woman.
I was acting like . . . my father. My entire life, I’d tried so hard to emulate the man who raised me. He was a solid man. A man who was careful and thoughtful but strong. Yet in one moment, I forgot all that and became the man whose blood ran through my veins.
I didn’t want to be this man. But I understood him. I hadn’t even lost Reese, and I was going crazy. What if I were faced with actually losing her? Could I recover from that? Would I become the man I looked like instead of the man who had taught me everything?
“I have to see her,” I said, feeling helpless.
“Yeah, well, your momma will be here soon enough with her, and I wouldn’t want to be you when she gets here. She’s not happy with you.”
I wasn’t happy with me, either. I’d let Reese down, but I’d let me down, too. This man wasn’t me.
My mother’s truck came into view, and I took off running toward it. I wasn’t waiting for Reese to get to me. I needed to see her now. Momma stopped when she saw me getting closer. I didn’t even make eye contact with my mother; I kept my eyes on Reese. Her face was red and splotchy from crying, and that was all because of me.
If it was possible to truly hate yourself, I did.
Reese
Once the tears started, I couldn’t stop.
After Mase left, sobs wracked my body, and I doubled over. He’d left me. I’d messed up. I couldn’t lose Mase.
All I had known to do was to call Maryann. Staying at work was impossible. Telling Piper what was wrong with me was also impossible. She was gone for the day, and I would have to apologize later. Right now, I had to get to Mase.
Maryann hopped out of the truck and rushed to me. “What’s wrong?” she asked, pulling me into a hug. I clung to her and cried harder.
Having any kind of motherly affection undid me. It wasn’t something I knew, but I craved it. Maryann’s arms around me made my tears come harder. Because I’d let her son down. She was comforting me and didn’t know what I had done.
“Shhh, now, it can’t be all that bad. Let’s get you back home, and you can tell me what happened. I know my son, and when he knows you’re this upset, he’s going to be furious with himself.”
No, he wouldn’t. He was furious already. With me.
Maryann led me to her truck, and I got in obediently. Once she was in the driver’s seat and pulling out of the Stouts’ ranch, she glanced over at me. “Can you tell me what happened?”
I could, but would she hate me, too? Probably. I hated me. I should have told him after the first time. I shouldn’t have kept it a secret.
“I let Cap- . . . River Kipling bring me lunch several times. I didn’t ask him to, he just—” I let out a small sob. “He would just show up with food, and I would eat with him. I don’t even like him most of the time. He’s arrogant. But I have to file paperwork that he brings me.”
“And Mase is upset because River brings you food?”
“No . . . yes. He’s mad because I never told him. I was afraid he’d be upset. And I kept telling River to stop. Sometimes he just came with paperwork for me to file, but a couple of times, he brought food. I should have told Mase.”
Maryann didn’t say anything at first. I began to think I’d made her mad at me, too. “Do you like River Kipling in any way other than as a friend?”
I shook my head. “No! I don’t even like him as a friend. He assumes too much and ignores the fact that I don’t want him to be in my office. I love Mase.”
Maryann nodded. “I know you do, sweetheart. But it appears my son has let jealousy take control of him. It’s not like him, but then, that just means you’re different from any other woman who has been in his life. Give him time to cool down, and then he’ll fix this.”
“He was so angry with me,” I whispered.
“No, he was scared of losing you. He was terrified that he wasn’t enough for you. He wasn’t angry at you.”
He wasn’t enough for me? He knew better than that. The look in his eyes was definitely anger. But I didn’t argue with his mother. She would see soon enough. He wasn’t going to be happy to see me. I had to explain. Getting all tongue-tied and panicking wasn’t going to save us.
“I never should have gotten a job,” I said, thinking that none of this would have happened if I’d just stayed home.