That in itself was annoying. There were so many things about him that were annoying when you stood back and really looked at the whole picture. I had been so wrapped up in the few precious moments he gave me that I’d been willing to overlook everything else. This was all before Gannon, though. I wasn’t that easy to please anymore.
“You’re angry with me. I deserve it, but I want to fix it.” He looked completely heartbroken. Which was almost enough to soften me up. I didn’t like to make him sad. He seemed so easy to hurt. Never mind the fact that he hurt me regularly.
“I’m just done with you. We tried. It didn’t work. Why keep trying?” I said, using a well-rehearsed bitch face and tone. I was a pro at this. Covering up my emotions so no one knew I was hurt had been my superpower since I was a kid.
“Nan, don’t say that.” His eyes actually looked sad. “I messed up. I’m going to prove to you, though, that I’m better than that. I can be what you deserve. I want to. The others don’t matter. You do.”
Those were pretty words, and maybe a week ago or even two days ago, I would have fallen for them. But I was over it. Major wasn’t enough for me. I had started to respond when he held up his hand to stop me.
“Just sit down with me. Let’s eat breakfast and talk through things. I can’t lose you. I’ve just never done relationships before, and I don’t know how to do it right, but I’m going to bust my ass to show you I’m worthy of you.”
More pretty words to go with his pretty face. I wanted to have an excuse, but Gannon still hadn’t called or texted me. I scanned the area for any sign of him, but this was a huge casino, and there were thousands of people here. No chance I would actually see him walking by. Finally, I looked back at Major. “Fine, let’s eat. But you’re paying for it. You invited me.”
He broke into a grin like he had won something. I hated to tell him he’d won nothing but the chance to buy me a meal because I was hungry. “Of course. I wouldn’t let you pay.”
That comment was complete and utter bullshit. He let me pay for his meals all the time. That was his thing. I rolled my eyes and walked past him toward the hostess. “Two, please,” I said, without looking back at him. I couldn’t believe I was giving him the time of day.
I sat on the outside end of my side of the booth, leaving him no option but to sit across from me. Why was it that when men thought they’d lost you, they suddenly wanted you? It was a game to them, and I was done with games. What Gannon was doing wasn’t a game. He was straightforward and easygoing. I liked that about him. It was refreshing.
“Are you going to give me a chance? Or is this how the whole meal is going to be?” he asked. I was forced to make eye contact with him, which was admittedly difficult. He had the most gorgeous blue eyes on earth, and I was only a woman. Girls were powerless when it came to pretty things.
“There’s no chance to give. If you want to eat, chat, and remain friends, I am completely on board with that, but you had your chance. You were very careful to make sure I knew it wasn’t serious or exclusive between us, and then you showed me just how uninterested you were over and over again. Guess what? I got it.” It felt good to tell him this. I’d bottled up so much that it had started eating at me. Now being able to just blurt it all out and not care if he never spoke to me again was like a weight lifting off my chest.
“I messed up. I’m an idiot. I didn’t want to be exclusive because I don’t know how to do that. Relationships scare me. You scared me. I didn’t want to lose the friendship we have over a relationship gone bad.”
This was an excuse I had heard before. First from Grant freaking Carter, who had met, fallen in love with, and married my half sister. Not a good playbook for Major to borrow from; he needed to do his research. He was calling some plays that had already burned me in the past. “We can be friends. You haven’t lost that. But the sex and dating stuff? That’s over. You can fuck whomever you like . . . but then again, you were doing that anyway.” I actually sounded calm when I said that. The bitterness and anger had left my body. I wanted to do a fist pump, but I knew I’d look like an idiot, so I refrained.
“I don’t want that. I want us. I want you.”
It was a little too late for that.
This would be a good life lesson for him. Next time he liked a girl, he wouldn’t treat her like she was expendable. Now he knew that if she had any self-respect, she’d leave and never look back.
“I wanted that, too, but you didn’t feel the same way. Our timing might be off, but the fact is, I don’t want it now. So let’s just do that friend thing you wanted to do,” I said.
“What can I get you both to drink?” the waitress asked.
“Coffee with skim milk, please,” I replied, grateful for the interruption.
“Coffee as well. Just black,” Major said, but he kept his gaze on me.
He really had a thick skull.
Major
This wasn’t going the way I had expected. She was detached. I’d never seen her this emotionally checked out. I had dealt with her playing hardball before, but usually I could see a glimmer of attraction in her eyes. Right now, I just saw annoyance. Like talking to me was the most bothersome thing she’d have to do today.
“I want more than friendship,” I told her, wondering if maybe that was true after all.
“I know. You want friends with benefits. I don’t. That ship has sailed.”
OK, ouch. “That’s not what I’m talking about. I want us to be more. I won’t run anymore. I swear it.”
She rolled her eyes, and it was like she’d slapped me. “Can you hear OK? I said I didn’t care. I’m over whatever thing we had. It’s friends or nothing, Major. Can we order our food now?”
My ego had never suffered so many blows in such a short time. She just kept on swinging. My chest ached, and I wanted to believe it was because she’d hurt my pride, but the fact that she wanted nothing more to do with me made me sad. I had good memories with Nan. Some were pretty damn phenomenal. After each one of those phenomenal memories, though, I always ran off to get some space. I panicked if we got too close.
This was a direct result of me being a coward and trying to keep things between us from going too far emotionally. Now she was completely done with me. How did I let it get this bad? When we had gone for a run on the beach earlier this week, it had been fun. I’d enjoyed my time with her. I liked making her laugh. Hell, I loved knowing she wanted me there for my company. It meant something. Now I’d lost everything.