“Nothing matters if you’re not in my life. Nothing,” he said, and took a step toward me. “You and our baby are all that will ever matter to me.”
At first I thought he was going to kiss me, and I was trying to decide if that was a good idea, when he dropped his hand then turned and walked away.
What was I going to do with him?
“Please tell me you’re going to forgive him,” Amanda said from behind me. I figured she would have listened in.
“How can I? What if he hurts me like that again? How can I trust him?”
Amanda sighed and wrapped an arm around my waist. “I understand. I thought after finding out my boyfriend got paid to sleep with women that I’d never be able to trust him again either. That was a lie I never imagined I could forgive. But I did. Because he loved me enough for both of us when I didn’t think I could love him anymore. Right now Jax is loving enough for you, him, the baby—which, I might add, I am ecstatic about that news. God, that man is pitiful. Come on, Sadie, give him a break.” She laid her head on my shoulder. “You’re gonna be Jax freaking Stone’s baby momma.” She giggled.
A smile tugged at my lips at her ridiculous description. Maybe she was right. Jax had never done anything like this before. We had fought, but that had always ended in really hot sex in crazy locations. This had been our first big one. And my emotions were so raw right now I wasn’t dealing with things right.
“I don’t want to love him. But I do. So much.”
Amanda sighed. “Join the club. He has several major fan clubs all over the world. And women offer to have his baby millions of times a day online.”
She was making a joke, but she was right. I laughed this time. It wasn’t a full laugh, but it was a laugh.
“I’m going to go home and talk to Jessica, and then I think I’ll go to his house and see him. Now that we’ve both had time to think and process, we need to talk.”
“Yes, you do,” she agreed.
Jax
When the doorbell chimed through the house, I knew it was her. No one else would come looking for me here. I hadn’t told a soul where I was. But Sadie would know. I ran down the stairs and headed for the front doors, unlatching them and jerking one open before the first chime ended.
She was standing there, dressed in the same jeans and thermal shirt she’d had on earlier today. Her eyes met mine, and I could see she was nervous. I hated to think of Sadie ever being nervous to come to me. I wanted to reach out and grab her and hold on for dear life. But she didn’t look like that was what she was hoping for. I stepped back and motioned for her to come inside.
“Opening your own doors?” she asked me, and I wasn’t sure if she was teasing or not.
“There isn’t any staff here. They left earlier this evening when I told them they could go,” I explained. Although even if someone had been here, no one would have beaten me to the door tonight.
“Oh, well, that’s probably best. We don’t need anyone listening to us talk about this.”
I agreed. I wanted Sadie alone and to myself.
“You hungry? Did you eat a good dinner?” I asked her, thinking about the fact that she needed to eat for not only her health but our baby’s as well.
“Jessica made me pasta salad and baked chicken,” she said with a small smile. That little smile gave me hope. I hadn’t seen a smile on her face since the morning before I’d lost my mind.
“Good. Want dessert?” I asked. “Mrs. Mary left chocolate cake.”
She shook her head. “No. I’m still too full.”
Then we could talk. “Let’s go to the great room. More comfortable seating in there, and I’ve got a fire going.”
“Okay,” she replied.
Before I turned to lead the way, I held out my hand to her like I always did before we went anywhere. It was a habit and one I loved. She always came to me so willingly. This time her eyes went from me to my hand and she froze. Yet another thing I had ruined. My girl didn’t come to me anymore with ease.
“You don’t want to touch me anymore?” I asked, unable to keep my mouth shut and be patient with her.
She jerked her gaze back up to meet mine. “I . . . Of course I do. I just . . . God, Jax, this is so confusing.”
I stepped toward her, reached down, and took her hand, threading her fingers through mine. “Not this part. This,” I said, holding our joined hands up, “is never confusing.”
She let me take her to the great room without moving her hand away.