“If you ever felt one small amount of anything for me, you’ll leave and let me move on,” I whispered fiercely.
When he didn’t respond, I was torn between joy that he was leaving meaning he felt something for me, no matter how small it may be, relief that he wouldn’t be here to witness me crumble to the floor, and agony because seeing him had completely ripped me open.
I heard the faint rattle of paper and I opened my eyes slowly to see Sawyer standing in the same spot with a worn looking letter in his hands. He began to read:
“I made the mistake of opening my heart up to someone who clearly could never feel the same about me. I knew Sawyer loved you. I’ve known it since we were kids. I thought maybe just getting his attention for a short time would be enough. It wasn’t.”
My chest felt like it was going to explode. He had the letter I’d left Ashton. Oh, God.
He lifted his eyes from the paper and looked directly at me with so much pain in his eyes and something else... “I loved Ashton once. She was my childhood crush. She was all I really knew. But when she left me, I didn’t cry. When you left me, I wept like a baby.”
I stopped breathing as he lowered his eyes back to the paper in his hands.
“I’ve grown up with two parents who never once thought about me in the choices they made. My emotions weren’t something they concerned themselves with and maybe that is my fault because I didn’t speak up. I just pushed the hurt and anger deep inside me. I wanted to be strong because I knew they were weak. I’m tired of being strong. I’m tired of being second best. I need someone to love me.” He stopped reading and lifted his eyes to stare at me once again. “You should never and I mean, never, be anyone’s second choice. Anyone who doesn’t see you for the incredible gift you are is a blind bastard.”
He lowered his eyes back to the paper and began reading again,
“Staying in Grove isn’t a possible option for me. I let myself hope for too much. I’ve been broken too many times. I can’t stay somewhere near... someone who will eventually destroy me.” His green eyes lifted to meet mine and the tears glistening in them took my breath away. “If I lose you because of the blind idiot I’ve been then I will be the one who is destroyed.”
He continued to read:
“You had the right Vincent boy all along. Don’t take him for granted this time. He loves you in a way that I hope to one day inspire in someone. He would give up the world for you. When you have someone that special, that incredible that loves you, don’t let it go. This is your second chance to treasure what you’ve had all your life. Sawyer was always the Vincent boy worth fighting for. He’s the special one.” Sawyer slowly folded the paper and rubbed his thumb over it as if it were something precious then tucked it back into his pocket.
“Ashton didn’t have the right Vincent boy. I know this because I understand now what love really feels like. The kind that consumes you. Love holds the power to break you. It holds the power to complete you. When I read this letter, I was standing in Ashton’s living room after fixing things for her and Beau, which was all I wanted to do. They belong together. They’ve always belonged together. I get that now. Not because she chose him, but because you chose me. Until you, I was lost. I thought Ashton was what my life was supposed to be. Letting go of the comfort zone that our relationship represented was hard. Then you came into my life like a light bursting through the darkness. You made everything make sense.” He took a step closer to me and I fought the urge to throw myself in his arms.
“Lana. I think about you every minute of every day. When I’m with you, my world is complete. When I touch you, I understand the meaning of life. When I lost you, I completely shattered. You. Own. Me.”
A tear rolled down my face and dropped from my chin. That wasn’t enough. This time I needed more.
Sawyer reached out for my hand and pulled me closer to him. I wanted to melt in his arms but I couldn’t.
“I love you, Lana. I love you so much. Everything about you. The way you lips curl up slowly when you smile, the freckle right under your perfect little bottom, the way your laughter sends warmth flooding through my veins, how your touch lights me on fire. I love you and I will spend the rest of my life making sure you know that you are my number one. You will always be my number one.”
That was it. That was enough. That was all I’d ever need to hear.
Chapter Twenty- Five
Crazy Girl by The Eli Young Band woke me up from a very good dream. Stretching, I felt Sawyer’s arms tighten around me. “Crazy girl, don’t you know that I love you?” kept playing and I turned to look up at Sawyer who was reaching for my phone.
“Why is my phone turned on and why is it singing a country song?’ I asked groggily as he looked at the screen and then dropped his gaze to mine.
“It’s your mom. Talk to her or she’ll worry.”
I gaped at him, “My mom? But—”
“I got your phone out of your bag last night and turned it on. Finding you had my adrenaline pumping so calming down was hard to do. I changed your ringtone to the song that makes me think about you.” He lowered his mouth to mine and sang, “Have I told you lately, I love you like crazy, girl?” along with my ringing phone. I couldn’t get mad at him while he was doing something like that. Early-morning-singing-Sawyer was just too freaking sweet. Even if he’d made it possible for my mom to call me.
Sighing, I took the phone from him and answered, “Hi mom.”
“Oh, Lana, you’ve turned your phone back on. I’m so glad. Does this mean you’re going to come home? I’m so ready to see you.”
“No, I’m not coming home. Not yet anyway.” I met Sawyer’s gaze and wondered what I was going to do. I wasn’t sure I’d be welcomed back at Aunt Sarah’s after I’d run off like that. “I don’t really know what I’m going to do next.”
“Why are you doing this? Is it still about Sawyer? I can tell you that—”
“Mom, it isn’t about Sawyer,” I replied, reaching up and running my hand through his messy hair. “He’s perfect. I just don’t really know yet how I’m going to finish my summer.”
Sawyer frowned and his arms tightened around me like I was going to vanish into thin air.