“What is it?” I asked
She just shook her head and smiled back at me.
“AH! God, that is so much better,” Jake groaned loudly. “Throw me my pillow Heidi. I’m going to need to go to sleep. Ash in Beau’s lap is going to get out of hand soon enough and I’d rather not watch.”
My stomach tightened at his words but only for a second. It hadn’t bothered me to suggest Ash sit in Beau’s lap but the idea of him touching her still got to me. Threading my fingers through Lana’s, I focused on the road and the fact Lana would be cuddled up to me in my tent for the next three nights.
~*~
The tents were all set up and the fire was blazing brightly by the time the sun set over the Cheaha Mountains. The girls had all hiked up to the bathrooms to get showers. We’d had to set up camp closer to the public bathhouse than I preferred but Ashton had pouted when I suggested we move out another mile. Beau had dropped everything in his hands and without looking to me or anyone else for agreement, he began setting up camp. Ash had never pouted on me when she wanted her way. It was strange to see her voice an opinion. It was even weirder to watch Beau give in to someone so easily. She really was different with him. She didn’t bend to his will and ask him what he wanted first. The free-spirited little girl who would rather throw water balloons at cars, roll yards with toilet paper, and sneak out of her bedroom window to go comfort the trashy barmaid’s son was back. She’d just needed Beau to help her find herself again. A lump formed in my throat at the realization it was my fault she’d lost herself. I walked out of the firelight and into the darkness to stare out at the shadowed nature around us. Pressing a hand against my chest, I rubbed hard forcing the emotion tightening my chest to go away.
Just when I thought things were getting better with how I felt about Ashton something always happened to send me spiraling back into the pain. Granted, it was getting easier and it wasn’t anything near what it was in the beginning—but it wasn’t completely gone. I feared it never would be. Ashton would always be my biggest mistake. Not because I loved her but because I lost her.
“You good?” Beau’s voice broke into the silence around me. Dropping my hand from my chest, I stuck it into my pocket and nodded without turning to look back at him
“What’re you doing out here? Getting away from Jake’s bitching?”
“Just looking around,” I replied.
Beau stopped beside me. I could see him staring out in the same direction as me from my peripheral vision.
“You seem happy with Lana. Ash said Lana really likes you.”
I could hear the silent warning in his voice. If I hurt Lana, I hurt Ashton and Beau wouldn’t be okay with that.
“Lana is great. She knows where I stand. August will be here soon and I’ll be going to Florida and she’ll be going... wherever it is she’s going.”
Beau turned his head to look at me. “You don’t even know where she’s going to college?”
“No. It’s never come up.”
Beau shook his head, “Once, not too long ago, you were the good brother. You were careful with everyone’s feelings. It was f**king ridiculous how polite and thoughtful you were. You’ve changed, man. Can’t believe I’m saying this but I miss that guy. He was someone I always admired. I couldn’t be proud of my choices but I was always so damn proud of yours.”
The anger that had surfaced instantly was gone with that last sentence. Beau turned and walked back to the campsite leaving me there to think about what he’d said. Knowing he was proud of me made my eyes burn. That wasn’t something I ever imagined my tough ass brother admitting.
Chapter Fourteen
Lana
I sat on my sleeping bag checking my text messages that had magically appeared when we’d made it to the bathhouse. Reception out here in the wilderness wasn’t so good. But there was Wi-Fi at the bathhouse which was surprising and kind of funny. Sawyer, Beau and Toby were still outside putting out the fire and making sure all our supplies were packed up safely for the night. We’d sat around the fire and roasted weenies and marshmallows. Sawyer had packed a few cold things in a cooler that we had to use tonight because by tomorrow night the ice would have melted and everything would’ve been ruined. I didn’t even want to think about what we’d have to eat tomorrow night.
Dad: I need you to call me.
Dad: Please call me honey. I can’t seem to get a call through to your phone.
Dad: I called the house. Sarah told me you were camping. Be safe and call me as soon as possible.
I wasn’t ready to talk to him just yet. I’d have to call him once I got back to Ashton’s. But right now, I needed more time.
Mom: You do not have to go to New York City.
Mom: Why didn’t you tell me the slut was pregnant?
Mom: I do NOT want you going up there. Your father is completely screwing up your life. Just ignore him. He can rot in hell for all I care.
Mom: Don’t you call him! Sarah said he called asking where you were. And you didn’t tell me you were dating SAWYER VINCENT! I’m so excited for you.
I’d finally managed to have something that had been Ashton’s. My mother adored Ashton and most of my life I’d had to hear how perfect Ashton was and how I should try to be more like her. It’s no wonder I was so mean to her when we were kids. Shaking my head, I deleted the rest of her texts without reading them.