I didn’t say thanks. He owed me that much. I walked around the Rover and opened the door. I climbed in and slammed the door to get out some frustration. It didn’t help.
“You didn’t have to take me,” she said.
“Yeah, I did,” I replied.
“Because you still care,” she said with a hopeful tone in her voice.
“No, because of Rush,” I replied, and turned to head for the hospital, which was a good thirty minutes away.
“Do you really mean that?” she asked.
“Yes, I really do.”
“But you said once that you loved me,” she said, sounding hurt.
I had been drinking. The sex had been great. “I was in lust. What we had was good at first. I’d enjoyed it. Then I realized you weren’t the one. You were nasty and mean and shallow. And so was our sex.”
She made a small gasp. I didn’t care if my words wounded her. I knew she was hurt, and I hated that she’d messed around with someone who would hit a woman. That was it. Nothing more.
“Is sex with her better? She’s too unpracticed to be any good.”
That was what Nan would never understand. Sex would never be more than sex for her because she didn’t have the heart to look deeper. To actually feel something for another person.
“Nothing can compare to Harlow. Nothing comes close to touching it” was all I said.
My private life with Harlow was just that: private. I wasn’t sharing it with Nan.
Harlow
Iheard Blaire talking on the phone in the kitchen as I stood just outside on the balcony. She had explained on the ride over that Nan had been badly beaten up by August. Or that was what Nan had said when she called Rush.
I could see in Blaire’s eyes that she wasn’t sure she believed that story. But she had understood Rush’s need to go. I also understood that he needed backup if it was true, and Grant was his brother—or the closest thing he had to one.
But the image of Grant holding Nan and comforting her was haunting me. I hated that I was being that selfish. I wasn’t a selfish person. My feelings for Grant were making me different. I didn’t exactly like some of the differences, either. If Nan had been beaten up by August, then she needed her brother and Grant. They were the only two men in her life she could trust.
“That was Rush,” Blaire said from behind me.
“How is she?” I asked, unable to look back at Blaire. I was afraid she’d see what I was thinking in my eyes, and I was ashamed.
“She was telling the truth. Rush said he had beat her pretty bad, and she was knocked unconscious.”
My chest hurt, but it wasn’t in sympathy for Nan. It was for me. It was because I could see Grant slipping away from me. I hated myself for that. Was I truly that cruel?
“Rush is going to find August. He sent Grant with Nan to the hospital. He said he wanted her checked out.”
So Grant was with her. Alone. This was it. He was a sucker when it came to Nan in need. I had seen how he had chased after her before when he felt she needed someone.
“Rush wanted you to know Grant didn’t want to take her. He guilted him into it.”
I could hold on to that for a little while. Maybe it would ease my fear. Or maybe preparing myself for the worst was the best way to protect my heart. Not that it would really make a difference. I was too far gone anyway.
“I used to hate her. I thought she was the bane of my existence. But over time, I’ve realized that Nan is just sad. She has pushed everyone away and made them hate her and her ugly heart. She does nothing to endear herself to anyone. She has to call Rush because he’s her brother. He’s the only one who’ll come running. She didn’t call Grant tonight because she knew he wouldn’t answer, much less come to the rescue. But she knew Rush would, and she knew he would bring Grant. Even when she’s at her lowest point, she manipulates people. Grant’s smart enough to see that.”
I hoped she was right.
“He saw something in her before,” I said simply.
Blaire stood beside me. “He saw someone who was in need of fixing. Grant likes to fix things. When I first came here, Rush hated me. He wanted me gone. But Grant made sure that didn’t happen. The next morning when I woke up, I was worried about how I was going to afford to get gas so I could find a job. When I got to my truck, there was a note on it from Grant. He’d filled my truck up with gas. It’s just who he is. Nan is broken and she isn’t fixable. Grant figured that out. He has you and he isn’t going to mess that up.”