“Watch it. I happen to think it was pretty damn smart. They were nice and jiggly and helped me release some tension.”
Rush turned his head to look at me. “I thought you had a thing for Harlow,” he said.
I did . . . but I couldn’t. I had explained this to him.
“Wanting Harlow is one thing. Sure, I want her. Who the hell wouldn’t? But the thing is, I care enough about her not to mess with her. I’m not going to get serious. I can’t have what you have with Blaire. It isn’t me.”
“Bullshit,” Rush said, turning to look directly at me. “I had a drunk-off-his-ass idiot rambling on about how special she was and how he just wanted to talk to her and how much he missed her smile. That shit don’t go away.”
I hadn’t realized I’d said I missed her. I did. Even with her here, I missed her. She made me laugh and her smile always made everything else seem unimportant. “She went out with Adam last night.”
“The tennis pro?”
“Yeah,” I replied, feeling sick at my stomach. What if Adam kissed her? What if he touched her?
“So, you f**ked two strangers in your own damn bed.”
“Because she went out with Adam,” I replied. That was the truth. I wouldn’t have gone looking for distractions had she not been on a f**king date with f**king Adam.
Rush let out a sigh. “Harlow is the most sheltered person I know. She has been protected and guarded her entire life. She’s the only child of Kiro’s to make it into the news. So he hid her in North Carolina with her grandmother. He hated the way the news wanted to know everything about her. He used his money to keep the world out of her life. Once her grandmother died she was thrust into his world and did the only thing she knew to do. She hid away in her room. Now she’s here and she needs friends. She can’t stay home and hide. She has Nan there. So, sure. Someone asked her out. She went. Why the hell not? You haven’t asked her out. You haven’t done shit.”
“I’m scared of her.” There. I said it.
Rush frowned. “You’re scared of her? Harlow? Or are we talking about Nan?”
“I’m scared of Harlow. Of what I could feel for her.”
“You’re afraid you’ll fall in love with her,” he said, finally understanding.
I just nodded.
“Why? What’s so wrong with that? It’s a hell of a lot better than what I walked in on this morning.”
I gripped the railing in front of me. I hated that I was about to admit this. It made me sound so weak. “What if I lost her? Like Jace.”
“You could lose anyone. You could lose me, but you don’t keep me out.”
It was different. I looked at him. “What if you lost Blaire?” I asked. Surely he feared that.
Rush frowned. “It would be the hardest thing I’d ever have to face. Losing her would take my soul. But I can’t not love her for fear of losing her. What kind of life is that? I wouldn’t know how amazing it feels to wake up with her in my arms. I wouldn’t get to enjoy watching her laugh and play with Nate. It’s worth it. Letting something like that stop you is letting fear control you. Don’t do that to yourself. Every moment I get with Blaire and Nate makes a life without them seem shallow and lonely.”
I could see it on his face. He didn’t fear losing her. It didn’t haunt him. He loved his life now. Focusing on what could happen wasn’t holding him back. Was that what life was about? Taking chances?
“If you think she could be the one then it’s time you take a chance. If I lost all that I have tomorrow, I wouldn’t regret one single minute. Ever. They’re what makes my life worth it.”
“My dad thought he was in love twice. Both times he was burned, and I paid the price. And I look at his life and where he is now, and it’s sad. I don’t want that.”
Rush shook his head at me as if he didn’t understand me at all. “The two women your dad loved were nothing like Harlow. Your dad didn’t choose well. Harlow is a good choice. The man who owns her heart will be lucky. She is honest and kind. I’ve never seen her be anything but both of those things. So, if she’s the one you allow yourself to fall in love with then I’d be more than happy for you.”
He was right.
A heavy weight that had been sitting on my chest slowly lifted. What he was saying made sense. And I didn’t have to hurt myself to protect myself.
“I may have pushed her too far away,” I said, letting reality sink in.
Rush shrugged. “Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe you never stood a chance to begin with. But is she worth trying?”
I nodded. “Yeah, she’s worth begging,” I replied.