I stared at him as his words sank in. Fuck me. He was right. I’d let my insecurities about being loved control me, and then I’d used what my momma had done to be my excuse. Eva deserved a man. Not a whiny-ass baby who used damn excuses for their mistakes. I wasn’t going to make excuses for my shit. Not anymore.
I would make her love me again. I wouldn’t explain anything to her. I would just be the man she needed. The one I hadn’t been. The one my woman and my baby deserved. How the f**k I was supposed to do that, I wasn’t sure, but I was gonna go do it.
“You’re right,” I finally replied.
Dewayne smirked. “I’m always motherfucking right. It’s what I do.”
Preston chuckled and I had to admit: The dude made me smile. I had missed home. It was time I grew a damn pair and got my shit together. Eva’s daddy would have never made excuses. He wouldn’t have hid from his pain by refusing to even go to his home. He was a man she had been proud of. I wanted to be that too.
I laid a twenty on the table and stood up.
“Where you going? We just got here,” Preston said as I shoved my stool backward.
“To get my shit and move back into my apartment for starters,” I told him.
“What made you suddenly decide to move back in? Five minutes ago you couldn’t go in the damn place.”
I didn’t want to waste my time explaining this to Preston.
“I’ll see y’all later,” I said instead.
“What the hell?” Preston said, looking at me like I had lost my mind.
“He decided it was time to be a man,” Dewyane replied, and I just grinned as I walked to the door.
* * *
Deciding to stop hiding and take my life back had been easy when I’d been sitting in the bar with Dewayne as he’d taunted my manliness. But standing in the front door of my apartment and looking at the empty space where Eva’s piano once sat was taking the f**king air from my lungs. I stood there and let the times I’d walked in this door and she’d been sitting there playing, then smiling up at me, replay through my mind.
I closed the door behind me and dropped my bags on the floor. The silence haunted me. Eva’s music and her laughter were gone. She wasn’t going to come walking out of our bedroom, grinning at me. I’d let her push me away when she needed me most. I could blame Ace for setting me up. I could blame my momma for my insecurities. But I’d done this. It was my fault I’d lost her.
Tomorrow I’d start proving to her I was worth her love. I knew what I was gonna do then. No begging for forgiveness; those were just words. No excuses; those were just weak. It was time I showed her with my actions.
Chapter Seventeen
EVA
Noise from outside at the barn woke me. I rolled over and grabbed my phone to check the time. It was after six, but Jeremy didn’t normally get here this early during the fall. I threw the covers back and grabbed a pair of leggings and a sweatshirt from my closet and pulled them on. If he was here this early, that meant either the cows had gotten out or one was sick. But I hadn’t heard one crying last night.
After I’d brushed my hair and teeth, I slipped on my work boots and turned on the house floodlights before heading outside. I turned the corner of the house and froze. That wasn’t Jeremy’s work truck. It was mine, Daddy’s. . . the one Cage had used. I backed up and looked back toward the driveway. Cage’s Mustang was right beside my Jeep.
Okay. Good news was I wasn’t being robbed. But what was Cage doing? Where was Jeremy when you needed him? I took a deep breath and steadied myself before heading down to the barn to confront Cage.
He was loading bails of hay. He was going to go spread it. How did he know that was on Jeremy’s list of things that needed to be done today? The morning air was cold now that the heat of summer was gone. He was wearing a long-sleeved thermal shirt ,and that hat Daddy had let him use was on his head. He turned around with a hay bail in his hands and stopped when his eyes met mine.
“Morning,” he said with a smile that made different parts of my body tingle before he walked over to the truck and tossed the hay back there. He dusted his gloved hands on his jeans and tilted his hat back. “Don’t worry. I work for free.” He winked then went right back to get another bail of hay. What the hell was he doing?
I just stood there, unable to form words, while he grabbed another bail and tossed it into the truck. A million reasons as to why he was doing this ran through my mind, but none of them made any sense.
Finally I found my voice. “Cage,” I said calmly, although my emotions were all over the place. “What are you doing?”
He stopped and glanced back at me with that sexy grin of his. “Well, sweetheart, I’d have thought that was obvious. I’m loading hay so I can haul it out there and spread it. I’ll get to the feed next, and did you know that the east corner is weak on the fence? I drove around it this morning to check things out, and it needs to be replaced. Also, you got two calves that need to be tagged. They’re getting bigger.”
Again. I was without words.
“I’ll get to it though. Jeremy said he’d get here after seven but that I could get started without him.”
Jeremy? What? I just shook my head. This didn’t make sense. Was I still asleep? And if I was, then why was I dreaming about Cage with his shirt on? Normally his clothing choices were limited or nonexistence when he showed up in my dreams. We were also on a bed or against a piece of furniture. Not talking about my cows. Or fences.