When I’d arrived at the football field to find Wyatt’s body, I’d almost refused to take his soul. But as I stood there watching Pagan, I knew I couldn’t. I’d been given one reprieve from breaking the rules. I wouldn’t be given another. And I couldn’t leave her. My selfish nature won out. Unable to look her in the eyes I’d reached down and drawn his soul from his lifeless body. I’d met this soul before. This had been his third lifetime. Miranda’s soul was his mate. Her grieving would be deep because she’d lost a part of herself. I hated knowing I had anything to do with it.
“She’s upset, Dank. Right now, the fact you’re Death sheds a whole new light on her understanding of you. Before today she’d never really soaked in your purpose because you’d never taken anyone from her. Now, she knows. She’s battling the fact that to most humans Death is something they hate, fear, cower from and she’s in love with him.”
Self-loathing seeped into my skin and I bowed my head. This was inevitable. Death wasn’t something humans loved. Now, my Pagan had realized how difficult loving me really was. I’d ripped up her world today and left it in shreds and there was not one damn thing I could do about it.
“She loves you, Dankmar. I know she does. But this isn’t going to be easy for her to deal with. It’s a hard concept for me and I’m not human. Her human brain will have a hard time processing everything. Just give her time and space.”
Space? How was I going to give her space? I could hardly stand to be parted from her for hours at a time. How did I stand back and wait?
“How?” I asked, lifting my head to stare at Gee. Hoping for once in my existence she had something wise to say.
“How? Well, hell, Dank do I look like the freaking Creator? I don’t know. You just do.”
“I just do,” I repeated, gazing up at the window where I could feel Pagan’s heart beating. She was safe up there. I’d have to let her come to terms with who I am. Hopefully it wouldn’t take too much time.
“You’ll stay here and watch out for her?” I needed some reassurance that while she put distance between the two of us she’d still have someone near her.
Gee rolled her eyes and placed a hand on her hip. “You know it. I’m worried about her too, Dank. I’m not going anywhere. Since you don’t have Pagan’s desire to have you beside her weighing you down why don’t you go deal with some voodoo spirits and kick some ass.”
That was the first thing on my agenda. “I intend to. After this, dealing with Leif is the last thing she needs. I’ve got to figure out how to get rid of him.”
Letting out a relieved sigh, Gee nodded her head in agreement. “Yes, you do and this is the perfect time to do it.”
Chapter Twelve
Pagan
Funeral homes were typically places I stayed away from, because wandering souls tended to get stuck in them. Today however, I sat beside Miranda holding her hand firmly in both of mine. We were put in the family section by Wyatt’s mom. She’d said the two of us were as close to him as any of his family. Considering we’d faced every year of our lives together since preschool I’d have to agree. The Halloween we’d dressed up as the Three Musketeers came to my mind and a small smile played on my lips. I hadn’t felt like smiling the past two days. Miranda and I had grieved together. Just yesterday we’d spent hours talking about different things Wyatt had done to make us laugh over the years. It had been bittersweet to remember him. After awhile Miranda had gotten so worked up again her mother had given her another sleeping pill.
Then there was the fact that I missed Dank. It felt almost as if I was betraying Wyatt to miss Dank but it couldn’t be helped. I loved him. But I wasn’t ready to face him just yet. Maybe after we’d buried Wyatt and adjusted to life without him I’d be able to talk to Dank. To look him in the eyes and not scream out in fury. I’d had enough time to think about it and I knew there must be a reason Dank didn’t tell me. But I just wasn’t ready to hear that reason yet.
My attention drifted to Leif as he walked inside and hugged Wyatt’s mother then shook Wyatt’s dad’s hand before taking a seat among the other students who’d come today. Which was just about everyone. He just walked among them like he was one of them. Like he cared about Wyatt’s death. It made me angry to think of how disrespectful his presence felt. Wyatt had thought Leif was his friend. He’d trusted Leif. All along Wyatt had never been more than a tool for Leif. A way to get close to me. Shifting my attention away from Leif before I completely got myself worked up I scanned the room.
The funeral didn’t start for another thirty minutes. By that time the place would be standing room only. My gaze drifted over everyone I recognized from school. Some I knew, others I didn’t. It’s odd how when one of us dies we all come together as one. Even if we don’t know each other or if we hate each other we come together for that one day.
I searched for my mother. She’d flown back home as soon as she’d heard and would be leaving again tomorrow. I’d assured her I wouldn’t be leaving Miranda’s for a few days so there was no need for her to stay home and miss the last two days of the convention for me. She was sitting beside Miranda’s mother and father. I was glad she was here. Seeing her gave me some much needed strength.
The doors opened and in stepped someone I hadn’t expected to be here today. Jay Potts had been my boyfriend from ninth grade up until the end of school last year when he’d decided to go off to college and his parents moved away as well. We’d broken things off because long distance relationships never worked. Seeing Jay saunter down the aisle I felt tears well up in my eyes. The four of us, Miranda, Wyatt, Jay and I had been a group from freshman year until the end of our junior year. So many of my high school memories of Wyatt were ones Jay was also a part of. His dark brown eyes found mine and he gave me a sad smile.
“Jay’s here,” Miranda whispered as she lifted her head and watched as he spoke with Wyatt’s parents.
“I know.” It seemed fitting that he was here at the end. Wyatt would have loved to see him.
“I’m glad,” Miranda replied through her sniffles.
“Me too. Just seems right,” I agreed.
Miranda laid her head over on my shoulder and we sat there huddled together while the preacher spoke and then the casket was closed and carried to the gravesite already prepared for Wyatt.
“I can’t watch them lower him into the ground,” the anxiety in Miranda’s voice mixed with the trembling in her body told me it probably was a good idea for this to be as far as she went. I led her over to the steps on the far side of the funeral home so that we couldn’t see the gravesite.
“Let’s just sit here until they’re finished.” I coaxed
“Okay,” she agreed and sank down on the cold cement beside me.
“That was awful, Pagan.”