I felt like the king of the f**king world.
The next week, I had movers come to the condo and help us pack up, because I didn’t want Harlow bending and lifting anything. We slowly moved our things in and got settled into our new home. And that was what it was. I had a home now. A real one. For the first time in my life, I had a real home. A real family. My family.
The weekly doctor visits kept me hopeful, and the fear slowly started to fade. Harlow believed, without a doubt, that she would make it through this, and she was already thinking about the swing set we would pick out for Lila Kate.
We had spent an entire week sitting up searching for baby names on the Internet before we agreed on one. Even if I hadn’t liked the name Lila Kate at the time, I would have learned to love it after hearing Harlow say it when she spoke to her now-round stomach. It still wasn’t very big, but you could definitely tell she was pregnant.
I had expected her to worry over looking fat or to be self-conscious, but she never did, and she never was. She would stand in front of the mirror and look at herself, then smile up at me like this was the best thing in the world. She was going to be a wonderful mother.
Then, one day, while I was putting together the baby’s crib in the master bedroom, I heard Harlow shout from the bathroom, “Grant! Hurry!” A million horrible thoughts ran through my mind, so I was expecting the worst when I found a smiling Harlow soaking in a bubble bath. I took a deep breath and told myself to calm the f**k down. I couldn’t believe something bad was about to happen every time she called for me.
“She’s moving,” Harlow whispered, as if talking might cause her to stop. “Come feel.”
I had been waiting for this. Harlow had felt her daily, but so far, I hadn’t been there at the right time. I knelt down beside the tub, and she took my hand and placed it on her stomach.
“Here, press down just a bit so she’ll push back,” she said softly.
I did as I was told, and sure enough, a gentle little kick was my response. The grin that broke across my face was so damn big it hurt my cheeks. I had a little fighter in there. She was strong like her momma.
“Isn’t that amazing?” Harlow asked as I held my hand against her stomach and felt Lila Kate moving around. I had obviously annoyed her, so now she was pretty active.
“She’s spunky,” I said, and Harlow threw back her head and laughed. Lila Kate kicked again and pushed against me. It was like she wanted to join us. Maybe she heard Harlow laughing and wanted out so she could be a part of this moment.
“Talk to her,” Harlow said.
I had seen Harlow talking to her stomach a lot lately. But I wasn’t sure I could do that. I had seen the ultrasound, and I could feel her. She was real to me, but talking to her seemed difficult. I was putting myself out there to love yet another person I could lose.
“I don’t know what to say,” I told her, hoping that she would drop it.
“Just tell her hello and that you love her. It doesn’t have to be profound. She recognizes your voice now. I’m sure of it. She’ll know you’re talking to her.”
Harlow had a lot of faith in this tiny little baby inside her. I agreed that she reacted to Harlow’s laughter, but I wasn’t sure she actually recognized my voice. It was probably no more than a muffled sound to her right now.
“Please, say something,” Harlow pleaded, and I knew I wasn’t going to get out of this. She wanted me to talk to our daughter, and I couldn’t tell her no.
I cleared my throat and bent closer to Harlow’s stomach. “How you doing in there?” I asked, then glanced up to see a very amused Harlow. “I imagine you’re ready to get out and stretch. Gotta be cramped in that little space you got.” Harlow was still watching me expectantly.
She wanted me to tell our baby I loved her. Saying that aloud would make it real. It would make the fact that I was once again vulnerable to another person real. How could I keep her safe, too? What if I had to do it alone? Closing my eyes, I pushed that thought away. I wouldn’t think about it. I refused to.
“I love you, Lila Kate. I can’t wait to hold you and watch you sleep in your mother’s arms. If you’re lucky, you’ll look just like her.” There, I’d said it. Exactly what I was thinking. Exactly how I felt. I had laid myself bare.
“I hope she looks like you,” Harlow said, cupping my face in her hands. “You’re the pretty one.”
I lowered my mouth to hers and whispered just before I captured her sweet lips, “No one will ever be more beautiful than you.”
Harlow lifted her sudsy, wet arm and wrapped it around my neck and deepened the kiss while I soaked in the silky warmth of her touch. She could make everything better with a kiss. Fear and worry vanished when she was close to me.
“Get in with me,” she said, and started tugging on my shirt. I didn’t argue. I removed my shirt, then got rid of my jeans and boxers, before climbing in behind her. She turned around to straddle me, her ever-larger br**sts covered in bubbles. This was quite possibly the best bath product ever invented. At least, for the male species. I filled my hands with her tits just as she sank down onto my hard length. When she had me completely buried inside her, she arched her back, causing those fantastic play toys to jiggle and sway.
“You’re in control, sweet girl. Take it how you want it,” I told her while enjoying the beautiful view.
She leaned back and put her hands on my legs. I couldn’t have asked for a better position. Then she took it a step further and began to bounce slowly up and down on me. I wanted my hands full of her boobs, but then they’d stop that hypnotic movement, so I grabbed her waist instead and helped her ride me.
“I could watch these titties all damn day,” I said as she moaned and slammed down on me harder.
Unable to withstand it any longer, I reached out and squeezed them, feeling the pebbled hardness of her ni**les against my palms. She cried out my name, and it made me even crazier.
“Ride it, sweet girl. Show me what makes you feel good. That hot little pu**y is my f**king nirvana. You know you’ve got me so wrapped up in you I can’t see anything or anyone else. Just you. Just you.”