He was being evasive again. Weren’t we beyond all of that? I would’ve thought the barriers and every single wall were now down. I took a step towards him and asked “who is Major? Tell me the truth.”
The way his body tensed told me more than his mouth ever would. I knew this was something he never planned on sharing, though now it was exposed and bared.
“You were awake in the hospital.” He didn’t state it in the form of a question.
I nodded. “Yes I was.”
With a sigh he ran his hand through his hair and then gave me the saddest smile. The kind that broke my heart and I didn’t even know what he was going to say after that. “Major is the reason that we can’t be,” he replied with a motion between us. He pointed at me, and then himself. “I was born Major Colt. Then I decided to live my life in the shadows. Working a job that was full of excitement but is lonely. I don’t think I realized how lonely until you. It’s what I thought I wanted then I walked into Hale’s and saw you for the very first time. I didn’t expect to ever find… a you. Someone that would shatter me to walk away from.”
There had to be an answer to this. Some solution to this. “But if you don’t like your job just leave it.”
He shook his head. “I can’t. Major Colt is dead. I watched my own damn funeral. Saw my family and friends mourn me. It wasn’t easy but I chose this life. Now I have to live what I chose. Ezra has no existence separate from work. If he wants it, well, if I want it, it can’t happen because he isn’t a person.”
No, I wouldn’t accept that. I wouldn’t allow that excuse. “I love you,” I told him without fear. Even if he didn’t say the words to me I needed Major and Ezra to know. He was throwing “us” away. He had to think about that before he did it.
“You can’t love a dead man,” was his reply.
“Good thing you’re not dead,” I said.
He closed the distance and we embraced one another. The kiss I thought I’d never get to taste again was suddenly planted on my lips. Making my world contract. I was reminded that pieces of fairytales could happen, if only in slivers and sections, though you might not have them completely. Maybe your dreams couldn’t be experienced, not as you completely dreamed them. You might simply and briefly touch them. Like tiny shards of a broken mirror. What was reflected was a piece of your longing. That gave you the permission to continue dreaming, knowing that hope was present.
I slid my hands up his arms and around his neck. My fingers played in the hair at his neckline. He moved down to my bottom to cup it and then drew me closer to his waist. I felt the arousal our kiss had caused. I’d never been this close to a man. I knew what I was feeling but the contours of his bulge was something I’d never touched. He ground into me and I reacted. My body hummed with want. This was what I’d been waiting for. Someone like Ezra to desire me. I wasn’t going to let him go easily. I would fight until my very last breath.
When a hand slipped under my shirt my heart went wild in my chest. As it covered my breast I made a noise. It was similar to a moan, but it was more of a plea, for him to go all the way. For Ezra to take what he wanted.
He tugged my bra down and released my flesh into his eager rubbing grip. My breathing became erratic. I wasn’t concerned with oxygen at the moment. I needed Ezra to fulfill this need. When he broke the kiss he muttered a curse under his heaving breath.
“Sammy Jo, I can’t do this. Not knowing I have to leave.”
Oh yes he could, because he would be back. He was afraid and didn’t tell me he loved me, but I’d seen the look in his eyes, when I said the words to him. Ezra felt something or he wouldn’t be with me in Moulton. He would’ve just walked away.
I then did all I knew to do. I pulled my shirt off, dropped it on the grass then discarded my bra the same way. When I reached for the buttons on my blue jean shorts Ezra grabbed my wrists. “Jesus, Sammy Jo,” he groaned.
“We aren’t stopping. This is happening.” As soon as he let go of me I would finish undressing. I’d never been naked in front of a man. I could feel the blush creeping over my skin from the sheer exposure of my nudity. This would not keep me from what I wanted.
“Sammy Jo, I can’t do this, knowing I’m not coming back.”
“Yes you can,” I replied. It was all I had to give him. I’d professed my love and that wasn’t enough to make him stay with me. If this didn’t work then at least I’d have the memory. “I want my first time to be with you.”
He closed his eyes tightly and said “shit.”
I patiently waited with his hand on my wrists. When he opened his eyes the look was new. There was heat, acceptance and desire. His hands left my wrists and went to my waist. “Let’s go inside,” he said.
The chill through my body interrupted my breathing. He had to grab me to keep me from falling.
Chapter Twenty-Two
I walked into my house, topless, with Ezra’s hands on my waist. The heat from his touch was like a bolt of lightning shooting through my body. We were barely inside when he moved me to the table and spun me around to face him, jerking me up against his chest before wildly kissing me again. I released my inhibitions. This would be my final chance. The last time I had Ezra completely to myself and I had to convince him to stay, that his life was solely with me. If it didn’t this was all I would have and I wanted that perfect moment.
I tugged on the hem of his shirt. He tore it off and came back to me. My nipples stung with pleasure as they brushed against his chest. The muscles I’d only glimpsed, there against me impressively moving, the flex of his body and uncontained passion writhing and pulling me in. He kneaded my flesh and opened me up and I accepted whatever he did. Nothing had ever felt this amazing and I knew it never would. This would set the sexual bar for me and I knew no other could attain it. Still though, I didn’t care. I was tired of caring. I wanted to get lost. To wander through the soul of this man.
Ezra’s hands went down to my shorts. Without breaking the kiss he had them unbuttoned and sliding down my legs. Within seconds they were at my ankles. My mind wanted to shy away but I wasn’t going to let it. This was my first. I wouldn’t ruin it.
I stepped from my shorts when they hit the floor. He’d left my panties on. I wondered which pair I was wearing. I couldn’t remember. When his hands went to cover my bottom he slid them under the fabric. Whichever pair they were would be fine with me because they wouldn’t be on me for long.
“Sit on the table,” he said, his voice thick and deep. I wasn’t sure why I needed to sit on the table, but my knees felt weak so I figured that was a good idea. He didn’t wait for me to do it. Making quick work of my panties he sat me on the table himself.
“I know you’re a virgin Sammy Jo. But have you ever had your pussy eaten?”