He glanced at his phone and grimaced. “Before I leave there’s something I need to do. It’s another sleepless night for me.”
I didn’t want him to go, thought we had all night, but apparently that was ending.
“Oh,” I replied, wanting to beg, without managing to shame myself. My drunk must be wearing thin. I actually felt sense returning.
He took a step toward me, slid a finger under my chin and said “Sammy Jo, don’t look so sad. It makes it hard to go and I have to. Work is calling me in.”
I nodded and hoped he would kiss me. Give me something before walking away.
“I’ll be back sooner than I planned. I can now admit that. You have my number if you need to call.”
“Okay,” I replied, feeling the excitement that Ezra would be returning.
“Jesus,” he muttered, sliding his hand from my chin and into my hair. He then yanked me against his chest. We kissed, this time deeper, and maybe a little darker. Definitely, it was more intense. I did not want this to end. I did not want him to go. His job was important and ultimately I knew that his work had brought us together.
I soaked in his smell and the feel of his body. If he changed or I left and this didn’t proceed I was sure this moment would remain special throughout my life. Ezra was extraordinary. A weird mix of contradictions. He was intense and intriguing, yet there was vulnerability in his eyes that didn’t seem to fit. He was like a dog, a breed unto himself, who’d been hurt and couldn’t trust. He shied away when you got close, but you knew he could eat you alive.
The words he’d spoken about his past before being dead haunted me and wouldn’t relent. Did he truly mean them or were they meant to explain the severity of something he’d done?
He pulled away from me and shook his head. “You make it hard to leave.”
I started to say “then don’t.” He anticipated my response, then put a finger directly on my lips.
“I have to go.”
Again, I watched him leave. I wished I could join him to wherever he was going, but would I want to see what he did, once he reached his destination.
Chapter Fourteen
The week passed by really slow. I saw some more sights, called home and talked to momma and my siblings were chatty and full of questions. Even Henry asked when he could see me, and that made me cry for a while. I talked to Jamie about her pregnancy, which was making her really ill, though Ben was being great about it. From her stories about the vomiting I decided that a baby wasn’t for me until later. Much, much, much, much, much later. Momma had never complained carrying Henry. I wouldn’t have known if she was sick. She hid the sickness and never said a thing. Jamie was different, softer, not tough, and I was guessing that was generational. My mother was incredibly durable. But loving just the same.
I almost texted Ezra twice then stopped myself before I did. I wasn’t drunk anymore and remembered I was raised not to chase boys or men. If he wanted to talk to me he’d get in touch when he could and had the time. And I was wishing that time was now. I looked at my phone a million times a day to see if he’d texted or called. That was pathetic and I knew it. I did it anyway, because the man had pulled me in and I couldn’t quit thinking about him.
By the time day seven rolled around I was mad as hell at him. He’d not called or texted. It was as if last week hadn’t happened. I didn’t like games and this felt like a game and I wasn’t going to play. If he called I wasn’t answering. His window had passed and he’d failed.
I hadn’t studied for Hale’s parties like he said I should because what was I supposed to study? He’d been vague and assumed I knew what he meant. I was aware I didn’t know my proper social graces, but how could a website help me? Was I supposed to sit manikins around a big table and pretend to entertain them?
I watched people from that world, or what I assumed were from that world, while touring around the city. They had a polished look about them. One you couldn’t miss when you stared. That was my course so far.
Hale would return in a week. Would Ezra return when he did? I hoped so and that made me pathetic. I couldn’t drive the man from my head. I was trying to stay focused on other things, but Ezra’s absence was driving me nuts.
Jamie had asked me about Hale and myself. I explained that he was my employer and I his employee. It was that and nothing more. But I hadn’t told her about Ezra. It was a secret and I didn’t know why, other than he worked with Hale. Deep down I was protecting Ezra. I knew that was important to the both of us because Hale had become unpredictable. I never knew what the man would do.
I tugged my reusable grocery bag up onto my shoulder. I turned the corner and headed for the penthouse. My thoughts were everywhere and with them worry. I’d lost interest in the world around me. The scenes I’d craved and adored. I then came back to the people in the streets, blocking my thoughts and concerns. There was a mother strolling with her baby. A man on his phone in a suit. An older woman pushed her walker down the street and then there was, what, there was Ezra? With a tall, leggy brunette. They were close and whispering as if they’d something important to discuss between themselves. It was intimate, well, I think so, intimate enough to cause anger.
I paused and put them in focus. Sure enough it was Ezra. I hadn’t dreamed him up because I was missing his company. That was Ezra, here in New York. With a woman I didn’t know.
If I were brave I would approach. Walk over to the couple and pretend as if seeing them was a nice surprise. Just so he’d know I saw him. He was here and close and the man had ignored me, after doing and saying what he did.
But I wasn’t brave or even stealthy. I wanted to sneak past them and get to the penthouse one block down from this street. After that I’d forget I saw him and eventually try to disremember I threw myself on his charm and good looks. Of course he had other women. He was beautiful, dangerous, and intriguing. I was silly to think I was special. Or that our kiss meant something to him.
I wondered if she’d been “the work” he rushed off to the other night. He was completely into me and then he wasn’t and… no, she could be his wife! My stomach knotted and I felt sick. Was he married? Oh God, what if he was married? That would make me an adulterer! Momma would be ashamed. Not as much as I was ashamed of myself.
I crossed the street and stepped into a bookstore. I could see them, but they couldn’t see me. I’d wait until they moved down the block before I left and returned to the penthouse. Facing him was impossible right now. He might be married or engaged. What if he was engaged? Was that as terrible as being married? Either way I’d become “the other.” The other woman in Ezra’s scheme.
Conquering the world single was sounding more and more appealing. Men couldn’t be trusted. They wanted women. Lots of women. One woman would never be enough. Women craved that sole connection. A man who would love them eternally. Right now it appeared that men wanted sex and the better the variety and distance between them the more sex they could have without caring. I knew my daddy was precious. I wish more males would behave like him. He was a decent caring individual. I’d set my goal too high.
I watched from the window as I pretended to look at a cookbook about barbecuing, which I’d never actually attempt. The woman was close to Ezra. Looking serious as she spoke and gestured. Like they were discussing something important. Her skirt couldn’t be any shorter. If she bent over you’d see her vagina and for crying out loud she was hot.