My phone was ringing in the pocket of my book bag, but I ignored it. I knew it was Jason, and I would deal with him later. Right now the fact that Johanna was answering his phone was the least of my worries.
“Can’t believe I’m about to say this,” Momma said, “but you know they’ll hire you at Jugs. You’ll get top pay, and if you go that route, you’ll be safe there.”
I hadn’t wanted to admit to myself that using my body was the only way I could make the most money. Waiting tables wouldn’t be enough. The only way I could use my body to make the most money was to follow in my mother’s footsteps. I would lose Jason, though. He would never allow it, and I couldn’t let him stand in my way. My heart took another hit at the realization. Our time together would be shorter than I had imagined. But my momma’s life came first.
The easy answer was lying in my room. I could have it all paid for with one phone call to Mrs. Stone, but I would never do that. I wasn’t using Jason to fix my problem. I loved him. As much as I loved my mother, she wouldn’t want that money either. I would get money the only way I knew how.
“What if we moved farther away from the beach? About an hour or so away, the rent will be cheaper for small apartments, and we’ll be closer to the hospital. And because I’m young and I have the body, I can probably get a job at Delilah’s. It has higher-paying clientele.”
Momma looked defeated, and I hated seeing her like this. She was always so tough and ready to take on the world. “Delilah’s is the big time in that world. Hard to get a job there because they only accept the best. You’ll be hired. Probably make three to four times what I make now,” she said.
It was hard for her to accept that I was about to do what she’d worked so hard to keep me from. I wished I had another answer but I didn’t. I wouldn’t be finishing my two-year degree after all. Might as well face the fact that my future was mapped out for me a long time ago. No use in fighting it.
“That boy ain’t gonna be okay with you stripping,” Momma said.
I nodded. “Yeah, I know. We were gonna be over soon anyway. He has a girl at college I think he’s in love with. I was just the walk on the wild side before he graduates and becomes a politician.”
“Well, he never did realize what he had. But then, most politicians are idiots, so that’s not surprising.”
I managed to laugh even though it was the last thing I felt like doing. I would much rather have cried at how unfair life was. Why some people were born with all the luck, and then others were given one punch after another. I wasn’t going down just yet. I had more fight left in me.
Tonight, I wasn’t calling Jason back. I couldn’t do it without breaking down and crying. This wasn’t his business. I wasn’t his future and he wasn’t in love with me. I had to deal with it on my own. The hardened wall I had let come down slowly began to erect itself as I sat down and made a list of things I needed to handle this week. By Saturday I would be ready to go get a job and an apartment.
JASON
I had been calling Jess for two days and left several dozen messages, but she hadn’t responded once. If she was listening to my messages, she knew I had the tickets to the music festival thanks to my brother. She also knew exactly what had happened when Jo answered my phone and how it would never happen again.
Either she wasn’t getting my messages or she didn’t believe me. I made arrangements to leave Thursday night. My Friday class was just going to have to be missed. I had someone getting me notes. I couldn’t wait until Friday night to see Jess. I had to fix this. Knowing she was upset made it impossible for me to concentrate on anything.
When my phone started ringing, I jumped out of the shower soaking wet and grabbed my phone. It was Jess.
“Finally,” I said into the phone. “I’ve called a million times.”
She didn’t respond right away, and I felt a moment of panic. Was she still pissed?
“It’s been a busy week. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to call you back.” Her voice sounded off. Almost like she was fighting back tears.
“Jess, what’s wrong? Is this about that shit with Jo? Because I swear to you . . .”
“No, it’s not about her. Don’t apologize. It’s okay, really. I’m not angry about that.”
Then what the hell was wrong? “What’s going on?”
She let out a sigh, and I walked over to my computer to see when the next flight headed south was. My classes could all go to hell. I wasn’t losing her. If she needed me, then I was going to be there.
“I . . . Your, uh . . .” She stopped, and it sounded like she sniffed. Then she took a deep breath. “Your mom came by on Monday to see me. She made it very clear how you feel for Johanna.”
“What the f**k? She came to your house?” I asked, standing up and staring straight ahead as fury rolled through me. How could she do this? What was wrong with my mother? It was my f**king life.
“She wanted me to understand how things were with the two of you and your hopes for your future. I don’t fit in to that world. Your world. It is just too much. And I understand now why you picked Johanna’s feelings over mine that morning. It makes sense. I was confusing sex with something more.”
“Jess, stop talking now. Just stop f**king talking. None of this is true. I don’t know what she said, but—”
“You chose her feelings when put on the spot. I knew that meant something. I get it, and I accept that I was never meant for more than a fling. I let the needy female in me want more, and that was my mistake. But it’s all irrelevant now.”
“I’m booking a flight now. I’m coming to see you. I thought we cleared that shit with Jo up. I never would choose her feelings over yours. Please, just—”
“I slept with Krit last night,” she blurted out, and my world stopped turning. The fire inside of me was immediately doused as I stood there unable to speak.