“You don’t think . . . ,” I said, but stopped myself.
Jax didn’t need me to finish. “Might be,” he replied.
I had to get back to Sea Breeze.
Chapter Eighteen
JESS
On Tuesday I finished my last class at two and headed home to change and get the clothing I had taken home to work on. I was supposed to work from three to seven tonight. Krit had called twice today, and I hadn’t been able to answer it. He knew I had classes today.
We had talked Sunday night, and I had explained to him I needed to cool off. What we were doing was going too fast, and he was free to sleep around. He hadn’t handled it well, but according to talk, Krit had taken not one but two girls backstage Monday night, where he had performed in Destin, Florida. Several of Jackdown’s groupies followed them around. They also made sure I heard about it.
I would call him on my way to work. Pulling up to the house, I realized I wouldn’t need to. Krit was sitting on my front porch. I wasn’t in the mood for him to apologize, if that was what this was. I had told him he could sleep around, and he hadn’t wasted any time. Proved to me he wasn’t as into me as he thought he was. Which eased my conscience. At least he didn’t love me.
I stepped out of my truck and headed toward him. He sat there and watched me approach, but he didn’t look apologetic. He looked pissed. But I hadn’t done anything.
“Hey,” I said, studying him.
“You didn’t answer my calls,” he replied.
“I was in class. I was going to give you a call on my way to work. What’s up?” I tried to make it sound casual.
He shook his head as if he couldn’t believe me. “Really? That’s it? We’re back to being f**king friendly?”
He was going to make me late for work. “We talked about this. You were okay with it,” I told him.
“Okay with it? Who the f**k told you I was okay with it?”
I leaned on the railing and sighed. “I know about the girls Monday night. Word travels fast. I would say that makes you okay with it,” I told him.
Krit threw down some paper he was holding and stood up. “Fuck that! You said I could sleep around. You needed f**king space. You can’t get mad because I did what you told me to.”
I reached out and grabbed his hand, hoping to calm him down. “I’m not mad. I didn’t say I was mad. I was pointing out that you taking girls backstage means you’re okay with this. With us.”
Krit crowded me and reached up to cup my face. “They weren’t you. So no, I’m not f**king okay with this. It sucks. It hurts like hell and they can’t make it go away.”
I reached up and pulled his hand from my face. “You did it, though. You wanted them enough to f**k them. That means you were attracted to them. If you had been heartbroken over this, you wouldn’t have been able to sleep with other girls. That’s all I’m saying.”
Krit closed his eyes and swore. “Don’t you f**king say that. Don’t you turn that shit on me when you said it was okay. All you had to say was you didn’t want me with anyone else, and I wouldn’t have.”
If I didn’t think it would make him angry, I would have smiled. He was so confused. He did have feelings for me. I knew that. But he wasn’t in love. He hadn’t experienced that yet, so of course he thought this was as bad as it got.
“If you just wanted me, then you wouldn’t have been able to sleep with anyone else. With or without my consent. That’s all I’m saying.”
Krit shoved away from me and started pacing. “Fuck that. It’s not fair, Jess. I was drinking. I get horny as hell when I’m onstage. It gets my blood pumping. You know that.”
I grinned this time. I couldn’t help it. “I know. And I’m telling you it’s okay. I just have other things going on right now I have to deal with.”
Krit stopped pacing and bent down and picked up the papers he had thrown down: several articles from an event this weekend, where Jax Stone and Star had performed for charity. But the photos weren’t of Jax. They were of Star, and on her arm was Jason.
“This is what you’re dealing with. This little shit. He used you. He’s f**king with your head. I saw you looking at him last weekend. You wanted him. I could taste it on you. Don’t let him f**k you up. He can’t be what you want, love. Hell, I have a hard time being what you want. You want a f**king lot. You deserve it, but he won’t be the one to do it.”
Krit started to say more and stopped. Instead he turned around and walked to his car. I didn’t watch him go. I was too busy staring at the photo of Jason and Star taken on Friday night. The same night he had called me. He had said he was going out with Sadie and Jax. He hadn’t been lying. He’d just left out the small piece of information that he was dating Star.
Krit was right. I was wanting a fairy tale. I wasn’t getting a fairy tale. I was a stripper’s daughter. Nothing more. I was trying to be someone I wasn’t. Someone I would never be. I started to wad the paper up and stopped myself. Instead I smoothed it out. I would put it away, and when I needed reminding of just how stupid I was when it came to Jason, I would pull it out again. Remind myself.
* * *