“Hey,” I replied studying her closely as I followed her over to the table. The silence wasn’t good. “Safe sex,” I announced hoping to get some reaction out of her. I wanted the Pagan who smiled easily up at me. This quiet reserved Pagan, who ignored me, was unsettling.
She froze and gaped up at me, with her mouth slightly open and mixture of surprise and horror in her eyes. That was more like it, some animation in her gorgeous face.
“I wish you could see your face,” I said unable to keep from laughing.
“You did say ‘safe sex’ then?” she asked, still looking completely confused.
I held up my paper, “The topic for this week’s speech.”
She let out a weak laugh. “Okay, well that was one way to announce it.”
She still appeared unsure. I’d wanted to ease the tension in the room not make her nervous. So, I tried again. “I’m hoping you’re well educated on this topic because I haven’t got a clue.”
“What?” she squeaked in reply.
I couldn’t keep from laughing again at her expression. “I’m sorry. It’s just that you’re so cute when you’re shocked.”
She froze at my words and I immediately stopped laughing. What had I said wrong?
“I think having had actual experience isn’t necessary. It’s basically supposed to be about your beliefs on the subject or the importance of it.” The tightness in her voice alarmed me. She was embarrassed. That hadn’t been my intention.
I reached over and slid my finger under her chin lifting her face up so she would have to look at me. “You’re embarrassed. That’s cute.”
My words once again didn’t get the reaction I’d been hoping for. Her annoyed expression was back. “Please stop saying I’m cute. It’s kind of insulting.”
Insulting? What? I dropped my hand from her chin and tried hard to figure out how that was insulting. Nothing came to mind. “How’s that insulting?”
Pagan shrugged, “It just is. No one wants to be cute. Puppies are cute.” She didn’t make eye contact with me. Instead, she started reading my notes.
“Well, you definitely don’t look like a puppy,” I replied with a chuckle. I’d always thought I was good with females. Pagan was proving me wrong.
“Well, that’s something at least.” She replied in a clipped tone. “Okay, so what are the three main reasons you believe safe sex is important?” She was trying to change the subject. I didn’t want to change the subject. “Are you not sure?” she asked.
I didn’t say anything. I needed to figure out how to fix my latest screw up. “Um, okay, what about teenage pregnancy? That’s a good point. No one needs to become a parent while they’re still a kid.” She continued as if I had responded.
She began writing in my notebook determined that this conversation was over.
“Your feelings are hurt,” I said as the realization came to me. “I didn’t mean to say something to hurt your feelings,” I assured her.
She still wouldn’t look at me, “It’s fine. Let’s get working on your essay.”
Staring down at the paper, I replied, “Teenage pregnancy is definitely one reason.”
“Okay, so what about STD’s?” she suggested writing it down before I could respond. This wasn’t getting us anywhere. She was still upset.
“That’s another good one.” I agreed.
I reached over and took the notebook from her. We were going to settle this. I didn’t like knowing I’d hurt her feelings. I adored her. If only I could tell her exactly how much. “Sorry, but I couldn’t think of any other way to get your attention.” Her silence allowed me to continue. “You aren’t just cute. Yes, you make cute faces and do cute things but you aren’t just cute.” Had I said too much?
“Okay,” she whispered. That was enough for now. I couldn’t say more or I’d give myself away.
I slid the notebook back to her, “Now, let’s see...what about the fact that using a condom takes away from the pleasure, should we discuss that?”
She began choking on her soda and I patted her gently on the back trying hard not to laugh. “Again, you do a lot of cute things but you aren’t just cute.”
3. Death broke the rules