Granny Q wouldn't let me sit quietly. She wouldn't let me settle. Tonight I needed peace. Solitude.
"Cain. I need this night alone. I need to think. I need to process. Tonight I need to stay at the motel. Please understand and help Granny understand. Just for tonight."
Cain looked out over my head with a frustrated scowl. I knew he wanted to ask questions but he was being careful. "B, I hate this. I know you're hurting. I can see it all over your face. I've watched you hurt for so many years. It is slowly eating me up. Talk to me, B. You need to talk to someone."
He was right. I did need to talk to someone but right now I needed to worry about dealing internally. I'd tell him about Rosemary Beach eventually. I'd have to tell someone. Cain was the closest friend I had here.
"Give me some time," I said, looking up at him.
"Time," he nodded. "I've been giving you time for three years. I don't see how a little more can hurt."
I opened the truck door and climbed inside. Tomorrow I'd be ready to face the truth. The facts. I could make it... tomorrow.
"Do you have a phone? I called your old number the day after you drove off and left me here and it said it was disconnected."
Rush. His face when he'd begged me to keep the phone he'd lied about flashed in my mind. The pain pressed through a little more.
I shook my head. "No. I don't have one."
Cain's scowl deepened. "Dangit, B. You shouldn't be without a phone."
"I got a gun," I reminded him.
"You still need a phone. I doubt you've ever pulled that thing out on anyone in your life."
That was where he was wrong. I shrugged.
"Get one tomorrow," he ordered. I nodded although I didn't intend to get one then closed the truck door behind me.
I pulled back out onto the two-lane street. I drove the half mile up to the first traffic light and turned right. The motel was the second building on the left. I had never stayed here before. I had friends who had come here after prom but that was all a part of high school I only heard about in the hallways.
Paying for the night was easy enough. The girl working the desk looked familiar but she was younger than me. Probably still in high school. I got my key and headed back outside.
The shiny black Range Rover that was parked beside my truck looked so out of place here. The heart I'd thought was numb slammed hard against my chest in one painful thud as my eyes connected with Rush's. He was standing in front of the Range Rover with his hands in his pockets watching me.
I didn't expect to see him again. At least not this soon. I'd made it clear how I felt. How had he known to get here? I'd never told him the name of my hometown. Had my father? Did they not understand I wanted to be left alone?
A car door slammed and my attention was jerked off Rush to see Cain stepping out of the red Ford truck he'd gotten for graduation. "I'm hoping like hell you know this guy 'cause he's followed you here from the cemetery. I noticed him on the side of the road watching us a ways back but I didn't say anything," Cain said as he sauntered over to stand slightly in front of me.
"I know him," I managed to get past the tightness in my throat.
Cain glanced back at me, "He the reason you came running home?"
No. Not really. He wasn't what sent me running. He was what had made me want to stay. Even knowing everything we might have had was impossible.
"No," I said, shaking my head and looking back at Rush. Even in the moonlight his face looked pained.
"Why are you here?" I asked, keeping my distance. Cain shifted more in front of me when he realized I wasn't going near Rush.
"You're here," he replied.
God. How was I going to get through this again? Seeing him and knowing I couldn't have him. What he represented would always dirty anything that I felt for him.
"I can't do this, Rush."
He took a step forward, "Talk to me. Please, Blaire. There is so much I need to explain."
I shook my head and took a step backward. "No. I can't."