For the first time since Valerie had left me I felt like someone was there I could talk to. I didn't have to hold back. I turned in his arms and found his lips with mine. I needed this closeness. I'd remembered the pain and now I needed him to make it go away. He was so good at making everything but him fade away.
"I love them. I will always love them but I'm okay now. They're together. They have each other," I told him when I felt his reluctance to kiss me back.
"Who do you have?" he asked in a tortured voice.
"I have me. I found out three years ago when my mom got sick that as long as I held onto me and didn't forget who I was that I'd always be okay," I replied.
Rush closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened his eyes the desperate look in them startled me. "I need you. Right now. Let me love you right here, please."
I pulled my shirt off and then reached for his. He lifted his arms for me as I pulled his shirt over his head. He made quick work of my bra and it was gone with nothing between us. His hands cupped my br**sts as he brushed his thumb over each hard crest. "You are so f**king unbelievably gorgeous. Inside and out," he whispered. "As much as I don't deserve it I want to be buried inside you. I can't wait. I just need to get as close to you as I can get."
I scooted back from him and stood up. After slipping off my shoes, I unsnapped my shorts and pushed them down along with my panties then stepped out of them. He sat there watching me like I was the most fascinating thing he had ever seen. It felt powerful. The embarrassment I expected to feel from standing naked in front of him wasn't there.
"Get naked," I said, looking down at his erection pressing against his jeans.
I thought that would get an amused chuckle from him but it didn't. He stood up, quickly stepping out of his jeans and then sank back down on the couch pulling me with him.
"Straddle me," he instructed. I did as I was told. "Now," he gulped, "ease down on me." I looked down and saw him holding the base of his cock. I grabbed onto his shoulders and slowly lowered myself as he handled everything else.
"Easy, baby. Slow and easy. You're gonna be sore."
I nodded and bit my bottom lip as the tip started to enter me. He moved the head back and forth over my opening, teasing me. I squeezed his shoulders and gasped. It felt good. So very good.
"That's it. You're getting so f**king wet. God, I want to taste it," he growled.
Seeing the animalistic look in his eyes flipped a switch in me. I wanted to make him remember me. Remember this. I knew our time was limited and I knew I'd never forget him. Still, I wanted to know that when he walked away he'd never forget me. I didn't want to be that one girl whose virginity he took.
Leaning forward, I waited until he rubbed the head against my entrance. Then I sank down hard with a loud cry as it filled me.
"SHIT," Rush shouted. I didn't wait for him to worry about me. I was going to ride him. I understood the terminology now. I was in control of this. He started to open his mouth and say something but I stopped him by plunging my tongue into his mouth while I lifted my hips and sank back down onto him again harder. The groan and buckling sensation of his body under me assured me I was doing something right.
I broke apart so I could cry out as I began riding him faster and harder. The tenderness inside me was screaming out with the stretching of his entrance but it was a good pain.
"Blaire, oh holy f**k Blaire," he ground out as his hands grabbed my hips and he let himself break free and enjoy the ride. His hands began taking over. He lifted me and slammed me back down onto him with fast and hard thrusts. Every curse and loud moan that escaped him made me wilder. I needed this with him.
The orgasm was building and I knew after a few more thrusts I was going to break apart on top of him. I wanted him to come too. I began rocking on him and letting out the loud cries I had been trying to control. "I'm gonna come," I moaned as the sensation built.
"Fuck baby, so good," he growled and then we both fell over the top together. His body bucked underneath me and then stilled. My name tore from his lips at the same time my body reached its climax.
When the tremors slowed and I could breathe again I wrapped my arms around his neck and collapsed on top of him.
Both his arms held me tightly to him as his breathing slowed. I liked the sweet sex we'd had last night but there was something to be said for f**king. I smiled to myself at the thought and turned my head to kiss his neck.
"Never. Never in all my life," he panted running his hand down my back and cupping my bottom with a gentle squeeze. "That was. God, Blaire, I don't have words."
Smiling into his neck I knew I'd made my mark on this perfect, wounded, mysterious confusing man.
"I believe the word you are looking for is epic," I said laughing as I leaned back so that I could look at him.
The tenderness in his eyes melted my heart a little more. "The most epic sex ever known to man," he replied and reached out to tuck hair behind my ears. "I'm ruined. You know that right? You've ruined me."
I wiggled my hips and I could feel him still inside me. "Hmmm no, I think you might still work."
"God, woman you're gonna have me hard and ready again. I need to clean you up."
I traced his bottom lip with the pad of my finger. "I won't bleed again. I did that already."
Rush pulled my finger into his mouth and sucked on it gently before letting it go. "I wasn't wearing a condom. I'm clean, though. I always wear a condom and I get checked regularly."