Existence(23)

He needed me but he was letting some unseen barrier stand between us.

I started over to my desk when I noticed the one behind it remained empty. It was Dank’s usual spot. He would be here soon. I settled into my desk and went ahead and found where we had left off on Friday. Every time I saw someone step in the door from my peripheral vision I glanced up to see if it was Dank. Kendra’s bubbly voice and bouncing blond head came through the door, and he followed her, carrying her books. My gut twisted into a painful knot. I forced myself to look away. He’d said he didn’t like blonds yesterday but the way he gazed down at her affectionately said something else entirely. I stared down at the open book in front of me, not taking in any of the words. I was waiting for Dank to sit down behind me. He never did. Mr. Brown walked into the room whistling and smiled at the class.

“Ah, good to see such excited faces this morning. Isn’t English Literature a joy? What better way to wake up?” he asked in a jovial tone. He turned and wrote this week’s assignment on the board. I wanted to glance back and see where Dank sat today but I refused to let myself. I could feel him staring at me, no doubt waiting to see if I would search for him. Well, I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. Besides, he was probably playing with those long blond locks of hair he claimed to hate. He’d whispered that he wanted me. That I was the only one he’d ever needed.

“Can anyone tell me one of the major themes we learned while studying The Eumeides?” Wanting desperately to get my mind off of Dank, I held my hand in the air. Mr. Brown smiled and nodded, “Alright then, Miss Moore.”

“Conflict between the old and the new, between savagery and civilization, between the primal and the rational,” I replied and Mr. Brown clapped his hands.

“Very good. Now, an example of this theme?” He glanced around the room and I raised my hand again. Mr. Brown raised his eyebrows, no doubt in surprise at my sudden desire to join in on class participation. “Pagan?”

“The progression of old to new gods. Zeus overthrew the older generations of gods, and among those ancient deities were the Furies. The Furies became outcasts.” I stopped, not wanting to go any further.

“Good, good, very good. Now, can someone other than Pagan please explain where Apollo fell into this?” The room went quiet and someone giggled. “Kendra maybe you could help us out with an answer,” Mr. Brown aimed his frown back toward the apparent source of the giggle.

“No sir, I have a life outside school work. Not all of us spend all of our extra time studying and tutoring in order to snag a boyfriend.”

Another burst of giggles erupted and Mr. Brown tilted his head to one side. “I don’t believe that’s the proper answer, Kendra, you’ll receive a low mark for today’s participation.

Now, can anyone else tell me or shall I ask Miss. Moore again to help us out?”

“Apollo is a symbol for the male, the rational, the young, and the civilized. The Furies represent the female, the violent, the old, and the primal. Aeschylus captures a mythical moment in history, one in which the world was torn between a savage and archaic past and the bold new order of Greek civilization, the young Olympian gods, and rationality.

The difficulty of the struggle between these two worlds is dramatized by the cycle of violence in the House of Atreus and the clash between Apollo and the Furies.” No one giggled after Dank finished. There was no question in my mind, he’d done that for me. I turned this time to find him exactly where I’d expected. He was seated behind Kendra whose expression was so pinched you would have thought someone just slapped her. He gave me a wink and flashed that one perfect dimple. I couldn’t wipe the grin off my face.

“Very well done, Mr. Walker. Now, let us hope the rest of you grasp this piece of literature as well as Pagan and Dank because today we embark upon a journey even further into this world created by Aeschylus.”

Having Dank answer more elaborately than I to show there was nothing wrong with knowing the answers helped me stay focused on Mr. Brown’s discussion. Still, Dank remained at the forefront of my mind.

* * * *

At the end of the day I reached into my locker and pulled out the books I needed for homework. Two warm hands slid around my waist.

“I missed you,” Leif whispered in my ear and I turned my head back to him and smiled.

“I’ve missed you, too, but aren’t you supposed to be at practice?”

He shrugged. “I was on my way when I thought about you standing at your locker and how easy it would be to take a detour to come see you.”

“I’m glad you did. Now get to the field house before the coach makes you run suicides for being late.” He bent down and kissed me gently on the lips. “I’ll see you tonight,” he said, stepping back and turning to jog toward the front doors. I stood watching him until he was out of sight, and then I sighed and turned back to close my locker. Today had been trying and I just wanted to go home.

A shiver ran down my spine and I froze. It wasn’t a good shiver like the ones Dank caused. It was another kind of shiver. The kind I remembered from once before. Fear caused my heart to pound wildly inside my chest. I took two deep breaths before turning around slowly. The blond soul stood watching me from across the hallway. She was studying me as she had done the last time I’d seen her. I swallowed against the nausea of overwhelming fear rising in my throat, almost suffocating me. I was alone in an empty hallway. Why had I not left with Leif? I backed up toward the front doors but they were too far away to make me feel safe.

She laughed, that tinkling sound sending chills down my arms. Every step I took back she took forward.

“Leave me alone.” I grimaced at the weakness of my demand. It was obvious I was terrified.

She raised her eyebrows in surprise. “I can’t,” she said as she approached. I thought of turning and running but I knew she would catch me easily enough.

“Go away or I’ll tell Dank,” I said with very little conviction as my voice wavered. Her tinkling laughter rang out again.

“He is currently busy with the blond one. I don’t know why he is putting this off,” she said when she was only a few steps away from me. I pulled my book bag closer to my chest and fought the urge to scream.

“Dank,” I whispered past the terror squeezing my throat, hoping somehow he would hear me. The blond glanced around as if panicked, but only for a moment. Then her angelic smile returned. “Like I said, he is busy.” She reached out a hand to touch me and I cringed, expecting the cold feel of her hands.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” Dank’s voice made me go weak with relief. His protective arms wrapped around me and I sank against him.

“Leave this alone. It is for no one else to decide.” Her hauntingly-beautiful eyes glared up at him with a fierceness that chilled me. “It was never your decision to make. The rules are as they have always been. It will have to be.” His arms tightened around me. “You’re going to leave and stay away from her. If you come near her again I won’t forgive easily.” A flash of fear crossed her eyes and she stepped back farther from us and then she was gone.