"I love you Low."
I wanted to believe that and maybe he did. But I couldn't survive him again. I'd met my limit of heartbreak.
"Marcus, what we had, it was, it was incredible. It was amazing. I've never had anything like that before. I'll cherish it for the rest of my life"
"Don't, Low. Please," Marcus choked out.
I forced a smile through my tears. They were flowing freely now. This was our closure.
"I can't do that again. Once was all I can handle. I never thought I'd open up like that to anyone. To be free and trusting. But I did. And I don't regret it. I never will. But I've met my quota on abandonment in my life. I need to protect me."
Marcus let out a long rattled breath and stood up. I watched as he ran his hands through his hair. He was beautiful. And he had once been mine. I was thankful for that.
"Low I will love you until the day I die," he declared staring down at me with moisture glistening in his eyes. I'd love him too. But it wasn't enough.
"I'm sorry," I whispered.
We stared at each other as the heaviness of where we'd ended up settled on us. He took another deep breath then he nodded.
"I can't force you to trust me. I deserve this," his voice was shaky.
"You deserve to be happy," I assured him. Because he did.
"I'll never be happy without you," he replied. The anguish in his eyes was so hard to ignore.
"Yes you will."
"Low, God, I'm so sorry. Please, just can I prove to you that I'm not going anywhere? I'll spend the rest of my life proving to you I'll never hurt you again."
The conversation we had on the floor of his bathroom not too long ago came back to me. It was so similar. He'd been so sure he'd never hurt me again. He'd always be there.
Marcus had been too sheltered. He didn't handle bad things well. I needed someone who wouldn't leave me when the bad things came.
"I can't. I tried. It didn't work. I can't keep expecting Cage to pick up the pieces when my life falls apart. It's time I learned to fix my own problems. Deal with bad stuff on my own. And that means I can't trust my heart with anyone.
Because I'm weak there."
Marcus took two long strides and knelt down on the floor in front of me. I could smell him. So good. So clean. My Marcus.
"Low, I swear you can trust me, please. I miss you. I ache for you. I need you Low. Please baby please." A sob rattled my chest and I shook my head. "I can't." He dropped his head to my knees and we sat there while silent tears fell. I reached out and touched his hair.
Remembering the feel of him. I relished in the smell of him as it surrounded me. Finally he raised his head slowly and looked at me one last time before standing and walking away. When the door closed behind him, I curled up on the couch and cried until I didn't have any more tears to cry.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Marcus
I'd seen glimpses of Will ow at the bar. She never came in for long. Normally it was because she was at work and needed something from the supply room. She always smiled. It was friendly. That was it. Looking for her had become my only past time. I was beginning to wonder if I was becoming a stalker. The only thing that kept me sane was she wasn't with another guy. She was rarely with Cage.
She lived with him but he wasn't there often, I'd heard. He was making up for lost time apparently.
I glanced around the restaurant nervously, looking for Low. I needed to get a seat in her section before she came walking out into the dinning room. Otherwise there was a good chance she'd have the hostess seat me somewhere else. I followed the short brunette back to a booth she assured me was one of Will ow's tonight.
"Low should be with you in just a moment," the girl's high pitched voice startled me.
I nodded, "Thanks," and quickly took a seat placing the small package I had brought in with me in the seat and out of view. I didn't want her to have a chance to refuse it. I intended to leave it on the table when I left. That way if she was determined to reject my gift she'd have to come find me first.
She stepped around the corner looking down at the small pad in her hand. A pencil was stuck behind her ear and her hair was pulled up into a messy bun on the back of her head. I missed her so much. I watched as she lifted her head. Those large expressive green eyes that haunted my dreams locked on me and she stumbled. The urge to jump up and go touch her was unbearable. I forced myself to remain in my seat but my eyes ate her up as she composed herself and continued over to my booth.