Eli laughed. “I figured that out pretty easily. I was eighteen once too.”
The evening air was still warm, but I felt a shiver despite that. Pausing my heart did a funny little flutter, and I recognized it. Most of my life it had been reacting that way when Cruz was near. I wanted to pretend that I didn’t feel it now. That it was gone. But I glanced over my shoulder because I needed to know if my body was still betraying me.
Sure enough, there he stood. His motorcycle parked outside my place. His arms crossed over his chest and his gaze locked on our backs as we walked away. He’d come to see me. The squeeze in my chest I felt because he was here to see me angered me. I wanted not to care. I wanted to be the strong independent woman who had moved on from him.
But I wasn’t. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to find out why he was there. Look at him and wish he was more. To wish he was the guy in a fairytale. To wish all kinds of pointless things that I’d never have. That would never be.
I didn’t though. I turned my attention back to Eli, where we were walking, the night sky, anything but Cruz. It wasn’t fair to leave Eli to talk to Cruz nor was I taking him back there with me. Cruz saw us. He knew Eli was here now. He also would know I chose Eli.
Each step we took further away from Cruz my heart ached. It was all I could do to not turn and run to him. To beg him to be different.
When Eli asked if I wanted an ice cream, I smiled up at him and said I did. Then I chanced a glance back. Cruz was still there.
He needed to leave. I needed him to go somewhere else now.
The Sugar Shack had a line out the door. It was the only ice cream place in town and it drew a crowd. We got in line and watched as kids begged for candy and other treats. Parents were on vacation and all smiles. The daily stress of the day gone. Many had a frozen adult beverage in their hands. I tried to focus on the scene around me and not look back.
“This place seems popular,” Eli said.
“It’s the only place for ice cream in town.”
He looked surprised. “Someone needs to give them some competition.”
I laughed at that, but took my chance to glance back at Cruz again.
This time he was gone.
The heaviness in my chest was there. My appetite for ice cream turned nonexistent. But I smiled anyway. I let myself be a part of the happiness around me. The sun kissed skin of the kids who had no worries, no heartbreak. If only life were still that easy.
“Eli,” I said as I looked up at him.
“Yes?”
“I think I’m a waste of your time.”
He looked sad for a moment, and then he put his thumb under my chin and cupped my face with his fingers. “You’ll never be a waste of anyone’s time.”
“What if you’re wrong?”