He turned slowly, and his eyes looked hollow. The light in them that I loved was gone. Something was horribly wrong. I dropped my purse to the floor and hurried over to him. “What’s wrong?” I asked grabbing his arm. My heart pounded in my chest. He was in pain. The flash in his eyes told me this wasn’t about being ready to move on. “Please, you’re scaring me. What happened?”
His gaze fell to my hand grabbing onto him, and he moved his hand to cover mine. The warmth helped ease my fear some, but my chest hurt because he was hurting. “Please, what can I do?” I asked, hating seeing him like this.
“Don’t leave me,” he said finally. His voice was hoarse.
I shook my head, confused. “I’m not planning on it. Is that what this is about?” Surely he wasn’t upset over something that hadn’t happened.
“If you leave me, I can’t . . . Just please tell me you won’t leave me,” he pleaded. This time his eyes showed some life in them.
“I’m not. Stop this. Please, I was just at work. I’m not even late. I don’t understand,” I said, reaching up to cup his handsome face. It was covered in stubble today. He hadn’t shaved. He rarely went without shaving. I liked the rough feel under my hands.
He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply as I touched him. There was something more. This wasn’t normal.
“I messed up,” he choked out.
A sick knot settled in my stomach. Oh god. Had he been with someone else today? Was this what I was up against with him? Did he still crave other women? My hands fell away, but I didn’t move. I couldn’t breathe just yet though.
“Before you. She . . . Britt . . . I slept with her on and off. Just when she showed up and I was in the mood. We never dated. I don’t date. But Britt was comfortable.”
I stepped back. He had slept with her. Oh God, I was going to be sick. “You slept with her? Today? After—”
He moved fast, cutting off my words, and grabbed me. “No! God No! Blythe, No! Never. I would never touch anyone else now. I don’t want to touch anyone but you. Just you, love. Just you,” he said as his body trembled.
That hadn’t been what he was going to say. The nausea faded, and I nodded. I had jumped to conclusions. Linc’s words had gotten to me, and I hadn’t realized it until just now. “Then what did you mess up?” I asked.
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Or at least tried to. It was shaky, and he seemed completely terrified. My instinct to protect him was back, and I wrapped my arms around his waist. “Tell me,” I said.
“Britt is pregnant. She says it’s mine,” His jaw tensed, and his tortured gaze locked with mine.
She was pregnant. He had gotten a girl pregnant. He was going to be a father. How did I handle this? Why was he asking me not to leave him? Did he not believe her? “Are you sure it’s yours?” I asked, unable to look at him.
“The condom broke about two months ago. I didn’t even think about her getting pregnant. I thought she was on the f**king pill. I got myself checked to make sure I didn’t get anything from her, but that was it.”
I didn’t have any words. I needed to think. I had to process this.
“Blythe, please, don’t pull away from me. Please, don’t. I can’t lose you. I can’t.” He was begging, and I hated hearing the pain in his voice. But this time I couldn’t be there to defend him and protect him. I was going to have to protect me.
“I just need some time to think,” I managed to say. I was numb. I was alone again. This time it would be worse. I knew what it felt like to belong to someone. Before, I had been blissfully ignorant.
“No. No, you’re closing me out. God, baby, don’t do this. Don’t close me out. Stay with me. Listen to me. I love you. I love you so much.”
I jerked as if I had been slapped. The pain his words caused was as sharp as a knife going through my chest. Not now. I couldn’t hear those words now. My entire life I had wanted nothing more than to hear someone tell me they loved me. I had been afraid to hope for it, and now, in the darkest moment of my life, those words were finally spoken. Shaking my head, I backed away from him.
“I can’t. Not now. Just please leave me alone. I need time to think,” I backed up until my legs hit the couch behind me.
“Blythe, you will destroy me. I love you so much. You own my soul. You are everything to me. Don’t do this. Let me hold you,” he was moving toward me, but I shook my head. Letting him hold me now would taint it. I felt safe in his arms. I wanted to remember that feeling. If he held me now, it would ruin that memory.
“Just leave. I need you to leave. I’m sorry, Krit. I hate that you’re hurting and scared. I hate that I can’t fix that for you. I want to, but if I don’t have a chance to hold myself together and deal . . .” I stopped. I wouldn’t tell him how close I was to shattering.
“I need to hold you,” he said. The thickness in his voice was getting to me.
“I need to hold myself this time,” I told him, and finally lifted my gaze up to meet his. The unshed tears in his beautiful blue depths almost sent me to my knees. God, how could I do this to him? He was pleading with me. But if I caved in, I would be facing so much future pain. How much of that pain could I handle? Was I ready for that? “This is a lot for me to take in. My past . . .” I swallowed. “I’ve never told you about my life. Not really. It made me expect certain things. You taught me not to expect those things. You made me believe I could be wanted. You wanted me when no one else ever has. I will never ever forget that. But right now I need to be alone. I owe you the world, but I don’t think I am going to fit into yours any longer. Your life is about to change, and I don’t see my place in it. Just give me some time.”
Krit’s shoulders sagged, and he reminded me of a lost defeated little boy. Nothing in the world would have kept me from going to him and taking away his pain . . . except this. “You don’t just fit into my world, Blythe. You are my world,” he said in a haunted voice, then he walked away.
The door closed behind him, and when I was sure he was really gone, I curled up on the floor and sobbed for all I had been given and all that had been taken away.
KRIT